Palm Enders.. xmas special

Ti's Christmas eve, 2008,
Today I am wondering what this pagan festival, (and that’s what it is, we call Xmas ) is all about??,and what it truly represents to the masses….

Its literal meaning is the birth of Christ, some old fella, very long on Beard, , Dark I think, or was it white??., Now, I'm getting confused with his old man, the big show, in fact the biggest show on earth, who most defo had the longest white beard known to man….Or so we are lead to believe, from looking at 1000’s of images which depict old JC and his Dad, both supporting impressive hair growth around there Vera Lynn’s, or any amount of Hollywood hunks who have donned the loin cloth, joined a hippy commune and not washed for a few weeks, whilst quoting the scriptures, ….

So we have been mind conditioned to accept that’s what he/they look’s like…, this is what I want to know..
HOW THE FUCK DO THEY KNOW THAT.. I really, REALLY want to know….

Camera’s did not exist back then, nor TV, NOR face Book, my space, or any other intrusive brain rotting people sharing sites..
Can you imagine if Face book had been around then…

JESUS OF NAZARETH,

BORN.. 25/12/0000..

Status….. For the last time''I AM NOT DAVID BLANE'', and
i have just fed 5000 starving camel jockeys, with 2 sardines and loaf of Hovis… I’m fucking shattered…..

MAY GO FOR A WALK ACROSS THE SEA OF GALILEE TO WALK MY DINNER OFF IN A BIT..

How cool is that…. He must have had so many women that guy, with a bag of tricks up his sleeve like that. .. Sure beats having a table in 400 hey Girls????..

I can see most of you shaking your heads now, whilst muttering
,’’you can keep your magic tricks, free champagne, and an after party on D frond, plus a Jacuzzi at plastic next Friday is way more impressive’’

How do we know he wasn’t Black, or a Woman, or possibly both….At this point, I'm sure the religious are screaming Blasphemy, and death to this heretic infidel…whilst knocking over a large vodka /red bull all over there prayer mat….oops, steady, is that hypocrisy raring its head again……

Lets leave the religious angle for the time being, and delve into what Xmas means to Normal people, well, I say normal, by that I mean your average Joe, with a wife, 2.4 kids, a mortgage he cant pay( even at 2%, as he lost his job along with millions of others in late November)and who couldn't’t answer the 100 pound question on who wants to a millionaire, let alone explain the meaning of Xmas, it’s this guy, and his ilk that amuses me….

It’s a time for partying, and gay full abandonment , Time for catching a healthy dose of Chlamydia in a pub garden after closing time, from the buxom bar wench called Trish….after one too many sherbets’s….

For drinking so much that the room swims, and you feel that your legs are on backwards, AND, the enjoyment of waking up the next day and sharing the pain over boxing day brunch, with a similarly afflicted friends, as group hangovers bring out the best in the British Male, and female alike now, as they have learnt the dark art of Binge drinking , and they too scream with delight regurgitating the night before’s escapades…

So, for most it’s a time to let of steam, try to forget that after new year, the most exciting thing they can look forward too is mindless chatter in the dole cue, and to think how the hell am I going to pay back the credit card company after spending the annual budget of Somalia on my Kids, who will want to supersede the Xmas gifts they received come January, when its little Johnny’s Birthday….. Consumerism, and peer pressure has Killed the true delights of this time of year for many, which should be about relaxing, playing silly games, eating too much, renditions of MY WAY AND I WILL SURVIVE on the karaoke , not thinking of how to pretend you’re not in when the Bailiff’s come knocking to take back the presents you’ve recently purchased….
I'm OK though, I have told my Girlfriend I just want her sparkling company, and nothing else, and in return she wants a pair of tights which are warm and practical, which I refuse to get her, as I far prefer stockings, for many reasons but the main one is this
..HAVE YOU SEEN WHAT A PAIR OF TIGHTS DOES TO A ROBBER’S HEAD…. NUFF SAID……

MERRY XMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR.

MAY THE PALM BE WITH YOU