THE RISE AND RISE OF THE NANNY.....

T'IS FRIDAY.. 6TH OF FEB 2009

This particular blog was inspired by a talk i had today with a single mother, which was interesting, as this particular subject generates a lot of passion, both for, and against with heated exchanges common place when being openly discussed, and this my friends is the dramatic rise of the Nanny, or a third world servant, if you will, who gets paid an absolute pittance to take the place of the biological mother, who more often than not has no job herself, but finds the idea of changing a nappy, or waking up to feed the infant, or cooking for the family more terrifying than going to a house party thrown by Fred &Rose West...(look it up, lazy sods).

More often than not these Filipino nannies leave their own children they love behind, for the financial survival of their own family's, and fall in love with their temporary charges while their male and female employers liberate themselves from drudgery.

And the reward for this adoration they shower on the adopted offspring..

They are locked her in their bedroom at night and searched every time they leave the house to make sure they hadn't stolen the spoons, or tacky local jewelry, adorned by these professional trophy wives....

Or, going through the indignation of being beaten about their person with a large stick of celery, when the growing offspring calls out ''mammy ''to the fear stricken replacement mother.But is it any wonder, when the child wakes with the nanny, and goes to sleep with the nanny..The poor confused child has no option..

I consider myself worldly, and well travelled, and seen most things, including trends which come and go, so how did i miss the rise of the super nanny.. Growing up in a loving, large household, with 6 siblings, and not a Filipino called Fang in sight, found it intriguing to observe this phenomena unfold before my eyes.

The second wave of feminism had yet to roar in, but as i grew, working class and middle-class women brought up their own children, Completely radical, hey?. ( A collective, ''oh my god, they must be mad, how did they cope'') roar can be heard across the land now, by single child bearing mothers, who's sole existence is to shop, preen, and talk banal nonsense with like minded friends all day via sms or skype.... unless they are busy getting their nails or hair done for the trophy husbands tedious functions which seem to crop up at least once a week....

They coped, because, funnily enough, it was believed at the time, the reason for having a child was to love, nurture, discipline and shower with affection unconditional love for this miracle of the universe, and to watch him/her grow in a stable loving environment, whilst being taught the wonderment's of the world.....Again, truly radical hey.... Who would believe such nonsense in Dubai's world.( he says, with tongue very firmly in cheek)..

To glimpse a nanny pushing a pram when i was a young adult was as rare as seeing a dirty old beggar on the streets of Monaco with copies of the big issue and a dirty old flat cap beside the array of Bentley's, asking for change for the night shelter.. Like rocking horse shit, rare as fuck....

I understand to a certain degree the Professional couple syndrome, the couple, who draw high salaries throughout their careers, they have become an engine which wrenches the classes apart. The woman, and by extension her partner, rely on equality between the sexes enforced by equal pay acts, anti-discrimination legislation. But as sexual inequality has declined, inequalities of wealth have shot up, and nannies are everywhere keeping the professional marriage in business.

But why have a child, if the sole purpose is to carry on working from the day it is propelled into being on the back of a stream of profanities, (OK girls, you get a pass on that one, swear and curse away, i can only imagine the pain, though i hear now, some of you experience a birth orgasm...ummm, must be the sheer size...its all about the girth hey.)) Now i know why Black guys are so popular.. Fuckers... envy will get me everywhere....

But the way the locals treat their nannies is questionable at best...How can A drop of water on ludicrously impractical teak kitchen surface produce a tantrum; or a failure to obey the most trivial command produced a screaming fit which could wake the dead...

But to serve the child an array of sugary snacks which contains zillions of unwanted or needed calories, is greeted with a smile, as the child rapidly turns into a mini bouncy castle, and grows yet another chin.... STRANGE TIMES INDEED WE LIVE IN

One more thing.Have you noticed that Filipino' all have names that mean something obscure.

This particular Woman who i talk to, her name is ,Baboyan, which means a place for pigs, i shit you not.. why any loving parent would heap a lifetime of name calling, and misery, on to their offspring is a mystery..Imagine the proud parents on holding the newly born miracle, they openly declare the child is to be called a name which translates exactly as A PLACE FOR PIGS..

I can only hazard a guess, its got something to do with the conception ritual of where germination took place... They sure fuck in style ...

But, this Girl is aptly named, as the place for pigs darling is between your box room, and the second bathroom, that's right, the master suite, where indeed the Pigs are busy squealing and hiding your passport in case you see the light and run away....Be Careful, they are sharpening the celery as i write...

Until the next time...

MAY THE PALM BE WITH YOU

MISOGYNIST, MOI.!!!!!

TI'S Thursday night, 5Th of Feb, 2009,and whilst the elite of Dubai are now ploughing through yet another bottle of Shampoo, and at a zillion ding dons a pop,( paid for by the ''I'm the man around here pimp daddy'')

I, John Tomas sits alone with his thoughts whilst reflecting and pondering on the world, and what 09 has in store for us.....

For your pleasure, or disdain, or whichever emotion i stir whilst reading my blog, I will proceed.....

A few women who read this blog have accused me of being a misogynist, which is just not true, if anything I'm a lesbian trapped inside a mans body, a male feminist almost, which you have to be these days if you want to get your end away... JOKE...... Honestly girls, i am your biggest fan, and if you read my blogs carefully, i am forever praising you, and to not forget your inherent beauty, and to kick the losers to the kerb.....

So today, just for you Ladies, i will take a look at the idiosyncratic traits of the modern man....

Modern Homo Sapien......
Chemical symbol..(ah).... Short for Arsehole.
Quantitative: Accepted at 7 inches , though some models,can be as short as 4 inches., poor sods, I wont even mention the Asian men who stretch the tape to a whopping 3 inches, with zero girth.. But a billion Chinese cant be wrong, so although tiny, the most functional tools out there... Girls, so unless you want kids, ,may i suggest 10 condoms at least for added purchase,or a night of,'' is it in yet'' will occur..

Discovered by Eve (discovered by accident one day when she had a craving for ribs).. think about it...

Natural habitat is: Found following duel element Wo, often in high concentration near a perfect Wo specimen, then moving on quickly to another Wo specimen as soon as bodily fluids have been exchanged...

Physical properties of AH..

1. Boils when inconvenienced, freezes when faced with Logic and Common Sense, melts if treated like a God.
2. Obnoxious FUCK WITS, when mixed with C*H*-OH (any alcohol).
3. Tends to fall into very low energy state, or more often ,coma, directly after reaction with Woman's most prized possession.... (Snore... zzzzz).
4. Gains considerable mass as specimen ages, loses reactive nature, but still adores himself and thinks he is irresistible to Wo...
5. Specimens can be found in various states ranging from deeply sensitive to extremely thick and Rarely found in pure form after 14Th year.
6. When pressure is applied, becomes stiff and unyielding; yields only when subtlety, subterfuge, flattery are applied..predictability ,the strongest emotion AH possess

Chemical properties unique to MAN.

1. All forms desire reaction with Wo, even when no further reaction is possible May react with several Woman variety's in short period under extremely favorable conditions.
2. Usually willing to react with whatever is available., although Reaction Rates range from aborted/non-existent to pre-interaction effects which tend to turn the specimen bright red on knock back..
3. When saturated with alcohols, will be fairly inert, abusive and will repel most other elements, apart from cheap female equivalent, who is equally repulsive//
4. Is repelled by most household appliances and common household cleansers.

And last, but most importantly AH will be repelled by small children clothed in diapers, particularly those of the high pitched screeching variety.

Best utilised for lifting Heavy boxes, top shelves, long walks late at night, free dinners and drinks, followed by gifts of great value, for shallow Wo... Can be used for recreational activities,

Pure specimens will rarely reveal purity, while reacted specimens broadcast information on many wavelengths, and tangents
Word of Caution: Tends to react extremely violently when other Man interferes with reaction to a particular Wo specimen. Otherwise very easily manipulated under correct conditions..

You see Ladies, its just not you that i pass comment on, in fact, that review could well of been written by a misandrist , the opposite to a misogynist..(a person who hates persons of the male sex), a rare word but seemingly much sought-after word these days, if all the crying and moaning i here you girls do on the beach is anything to go by...

Fuck me, well dip myself in dog shit, i think i have just become a misandrist.... Its a phase, it will pass.... Fellas you know where my loyalty's lie really... Phew, had a moment then, now back to reality..

But its certainly a mans world out here, foooo showerrrrr.... No doubt.... As long as you got game, but more importantly..Green,Coin, Dollar, and lots of it.... In fact, peter Beardsley and Ian Dowie could pull like Johnny Depp out here, as long as you have guest list, Table, and Alcohol a plenty... Easy peezy, lemon squezzy....FO Reeeeelllllll..

I have seen the ugliest specimen of man at after party's with very easy on the eye females acting like gyrating porno-rific starletts sniffing his sweaty briefs to show how sexy they are,Nice...

And girls laying around with a bottle of belvedere on her pubic bone? as the fella uses that indentation on the waistline, pubic area to slurp giant gulps from..Great work if you can get it girls,, jobs a good UN.....

Or the Girls who are uncontrollably compelled to maul her man for the night who is wearing sex panther cologne, with essence of real panther, that seems to make her go weak at the knees, .. When in fact he smells like a jungle rat who's been sleeping in sly Stallone's jock strap all night...Enough already Girls..

If he smells like a skunk, tell him... That fragile ego will mend.. Maybe your expense account will not though, so on the other hand... ummmm best not, hey

So Guys ,Splash on the sex panther, and get yourself down to Sanctuary, and find yourself an all sniffing, all complimentary WO.... And who said romance was dead..

Until the next time..

MAY THE PALM BE WITH YOU