CREATIVE SUICIDE

As i sit on my window sill, window open and staring up at the object which i actually believe to be the only real thing worthy of worship, our creator and giver of life, ''EL SOL""

My mind is taking a stroll down memory lane and as i reminisce about all and sundry, i began to focus on the Women that have shared my life. (Can actually hear ''To all the girls i loved before'' by Willy Nelson being played in my head), there seems to be a common theme with at least 3 of them, and that is, Apart from being beautiful, which is a must, ( so sue me, i love beautiful things to look at,)

they all share the love of art, and the creativity and angst that seems to follow pretty closely behind, which can be a double edged sword , as anybody who has shared intimate times and space with an ''ARTY TYPE'' will concur.

GREETINGS, T'IS THE 10TH OF MARCH 2010.....

My present girlfriend called me whilst i was sprinting down memory lane, from a London gallery and described the work she was studying, which entailed, a women, a chicken with his head almost severed, and blood running from the neck of Colonel Sanders's favorite creature, all over the naked body of the artist, who by the way had committed suicide recently, which was the only heartening or positive thing i could take from the phone call... This got me thinking, Why do these arty types feel the need to express themselves in such ways, before ultimately, taking their sad existence of a life, and leaving a fucked up legacy behind them, and their parents to grieve until they themselves check out!!!...Selfish fucking parasites spring to mind, but never mind my thoughts, on with the blog...

This artist, who's name escapes me just joins a long list of emotional fuck ups, who could not tolerate life, and decided that calling time on a mis- understood existence was clearly the better option, which is fine, more decent oxygen for sane people to breathe, but if they are to rub themselves out, why can they not use that creative genius they possess to do it with style and panache... Michael Hutchins,( inxs front man) David Carradine (kill Bill star).Stephen Gately( boy's own gay crooner).. My next door neighbor, (who loved to paint) and a plethora of others within the entertainment industry who have all left this mortal coil after getting the Weights, angles, and the all important drop zone wrong whilst Beating their man swords furiously, whilst at the same time watching A dog with football socks on,(as not to scratch the participating women/man i believe) confusingly plunder the back door of the man/woman, on a plasma tv in front of them.. .. This is boring guys, and if you are reading this, and are busy checking lengths of rope, checking the delivery date from e bay Holland on your special dvd, and weighing yourselves, stop it already, its tedious, and boring, and we are fed up with finding you hanging in wardrobes, or on beams, with one hand around your Johnson, and the other tied behind your back, with your tongue hanging out... Wanna make a difference and shock the world, then start thinking Van Gogh. wanna be's..

This brings me smartly on to Art itself, and the artists who produce it...They all seem to suffer from the ''Look at me, for fuck sake, understand me, or i'l kill myself brigade!""Well, go ahead, like i said, dont let me hold you up in your quest to reunite yourself with a whole host of movie stars, entertainers, artists,and mis understood genii waiting at the purley gates, or the gates of Hades, who knows, but one things for sure, it will be one ego driven fucked up party thats for sure, with everybody talking, but nobody listening and more cocaine, which seems to be the drug of choice for these lost souls, ( i blame Freud personally, but who cares, right!!) than has been sniffed off Elton Johns husbands arse crack... Which is a fuck load, believe me...

So i may be coming across as a little harsh, and not understanding these delicate little flowers, thats because i don't, and nor do i care to.. Tell me, what is artistic about eating large amounts of gas producing foods, giving yourself a home made colonic with different colored paints, inserting a tube where the sun will never shine, then expelling the contents via forceful propulsion of wind from the anus on to a canvass ?????... Please, someone educate me on why i find this fucking odd??.. and if that particular artist is considering popping his cloggs also, I'll give you a hand, fucking moron!!!!!

Now, before i leave you, will leave you with an ingenious idea on how to immortalize yourself into the annals of history. Start by consuming vast amounts of Chocolate, washed down with your favorite pain killers with a vat of cider.. Attach yourself to a home made device which is based on a centrifugal force type mechanism.. Have a remote control in your mouth which sets the machine in motion, lets say for 5 mins, which should be more than enough time to get the job done, then spit it out once it starts, as it gets faster and faster and you begin to feel nauseous,, the need to throw up will overcome you, but here's the genius part, You can't, you will literally choke to death on your own vomit as the force stops you from expelling matter from your mouth, but as the machine slows down, you will be leaking chocolate and cider all over yourself, which will create in itself a marvelous piece of Art, which will have Damien Hurst wanking into a bath full of formaldehyde, and who knows, he may even buy the piece, stick it in a glass case and and display it for the world to admire and wonder at... He could call it ""DEATH BY CHOCOLATE".. now, thats a way to go!!.. You see, and people tell me i am not creative.

OK Before i leave you, and this time i am going, lets get a little more serious with this whole suicide thing, and why a certain type seem to excel at it. I will use Alexander McQueen as my case study as his death was a relatively short time ago.When one thinks of Alex, which is what i'll call him as not to waste time, we think of wonderful dresses, Kate Moss, like a gazelle gliding down the cat walk in one of his fabulous creations, full of joie de vivre, champagne and adulation being consumed in equal measure, we think of Bling and deeply entrenched success, but when the curtain came down, and we begin to dig around, once again we find that someone we thought had it all, actually tip toed around the edges of depressive darkness and some times fell head first into the abyss. This type of behavior always shocks me to be honest, but coming from a truly loving family the only thing dark i enjoy is chocolate, and laughter consumes my time, with practical jokes being the most sinister thing that can be leveled at me, so i consider myself lucky.

Lucky that happiness is an inside job, and not something which can be bought or acquired from someone else, which is what, funnily enough most of these self help books and manuals have been saying for decades , and i am now believing it more and more..Some will blame evolution and state we are over programmed for self defense, over responsive to any perceived threat in these comparatively safe and privileged times, and that the unlucky depressives spend the majority of their time wallowing around in the reptilian part of the bran, feeling isolated and fearful of everything and anything, however great their circumstances appear to be... As an antidote, we seek out love and relationships to bridge the gap, to find peace in others, or we need others to complete us, which is folly indeed, as the only person who completes you, is you!!..

Alex gave up his right to breathe soon after his own mother died, not by suicide i might add, but of natural causes which is refreshing, But perhaps he found that the show need not go on any further, especially when the audience he craved more than anything else had left him nine days previous..Food for thought i guess....

Anyway, some of the richest guys i know are the most unhappy, and the elitist private school dwellers are in my opinion proper messed up, not all of course, but a great deal of them are full of dark and depressive thoughts..

Right, i am going to place banana skins under the feet of old ladies, sit back and laugh at their mis fortune, so got to run....

ITS BEEN EMOTIONAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monogamy really is a peace of woods.!!!

Right then, lets get on with it, and with subject matter sure to raise a few pulses amongst other things which is what gets men into trouble in the first place,We'll crack on

Greetings, T'is Sunday, March 7th..201o...

It's been a while i know, and apologies to those who have e mailed me inquiring about this latest sabbatical i have taken away from my laptop. So, here's hoping this blog will have you purring like the proverbial Cheshire cat, and i will be forgiven and heralded from the roof tops.. (one can but hope)...

No prizes for guessing the nature and subject of todays observation, as the title clearly gives it away, and as for being given away,or caught playing away, i will move smartly on to my thoughts on the whole process of affairs, infidelity, and betrayal.. Did a few of you just move and squirm a little uncomfortably in your designer chairs as you digested that comment!!!!Well, don't, this is not a personal slur or attack, or an attempt to vilify anyone or anybody, just a series of random thoughts and opinions furnished by me, so sit back, put your feet up with a coffee, tea, or beverage of choice and enjoy, Or not, matters not to me either way, as i told you before, popularity contests are not trophy's i seek out, only to deliver my views on the world, and some of its interesting debatable topics which are there to be attacked, and discussed.

Is monogamy actually losing its status as a pre requisite for a happy relationship/marriage etc?, and, is anybody out there actually truly monogamous?What i can safely state is that we are not as monogamous as we once was as a collective species, and here's why, and this is not open for debate.. We may not be having full blown affairs like high profile public figures such as John Terry, Tiger Woods, That midget serial philanderer Ashly Cole, or that once wholesome presenter Vernan Kaye, to name but a few, but Are those extended flirtations we embark on, the serious and not so serious dalliances, special, ostensibly so called platonic lunch dates with people we see more regularly than we'd like our partners to know about considered healthy and normal, and above all within the boundaries of fidelity.? Depends on your definition of fidelity i would presume!

Maybe, maybe not, but we are certainly pushing the envelope and barriers with a whole host of mediums available to each and everyone of us.

Text messages, Face book, Twitter, Bebo, ''sit on myface, or is it space.??)''ETC ETC.. These interfacing mediums have allowed and encouraged us all to explore flirtation, whilst giving us a feeling of protection, almost like a cyber sheath, and as a modern world presents us with numerous ways to cheat, Is betrayal or infidelity the nemesis we think it is?

Does the overly suggestive text to the new girl from the gym mean you are an unfaithful bastard in waiting, well, you certainly would not want your partner reading its ambiguous content, thats for sure, but is that cheating on some kind of level,? does the sexually charged content make you less faithful to your partner than you used to be, before the advent of Texts and the internet made it oh so easy and readily available. Can one take the moral high ground and plausibly claim monogamy when they readily partake in extreme flirting via text messages with a-nother, aside from the partner and exchange content and feelings of such warmth and ambiguous desire, however veiled, or obvious they dress it up??Is this acceptable,in a modern relationship?.

Affairs in my opinion have become the new divorce, and more and more people are embarking on them as a way to rejuvenate the boring, almost failed marriage, or at least prolong it a little longer, you know, where the time spent suffering has reached a reasonable time frame where your Old Catholic Mum, Priest and neighborhood will openly declare ''Well, she tried her best, 9 years is a fair and honest time line, she really tried you know to make it work, and he is hard work you know to live with!!", Whilst for 5 of those years, she was sucking some guy inside out and upside down, and whilst the husband was busy playing with his Racket, the ever doting wife was studying the soles of her feet in the wing mirrors of her lovers car.... Tell you what though, affairs are a face lift and anti depressant all in one, but without the price tag,( well for Women at least) unless of course you are the man who gets caught with his trousers down, which then becomes the most expensive nip and tuck you'l ever have!! Hookers on tap for an eternity will not cost what it will take to pay off the scorned wife, so guys be warned, this affair nonsense is heavily skewed towards lining the pocket of your Wife, who has been screwing the gardener since the new pool went in anyway.. The female empowerment movement has come along way, and gathering pace, but equality when faced with proof of infidelity is still way back in the dark ages..

So Guys ,a word of warning.Its no longer accepted that cheating is a mans domain, and that we are built as a species to do exactly that. No longer can you drag your fair maidens back to the cave, lay them face down in straw and be knee deep in pussy for a couple of hours, before its time to pick the wife up from The gym, where she has spent the afternoon with a couple of mates extolling the skills of her African lover with a cock like a fire hydrant.. Nope siree, the game has well and truly changed.

Statistics relating to cheating are some what misty, as its not the kind of thing people want to admit to, but what is incontestable is that men will overstate numbers and conquests, where women will understate their own indiscretions, but a figure as high as 45% of couples in long term marriages will have or are having affairs, or will be unfaithful at some point which is nice..lol

Logic dictates we are having more affairs than our ancestors, we are presented with ample opportunity to cheat, we work more, travel more with friends, and consequently away from the family home for longer periods of time.This evolving landscape of technology means we are connected sometimes intensely and continuously with many more people than before, and technology has also meant the very definition of infidelity has broadened.

Emotional cheating has become increasingly common place in this modern world, entire affairs are played out online, intense relationships, which may or may not blur the lines of friendship are everywhere,which may flourish via the intimacy of the dreaded text message and embraced as normal, but still played out in relative secrecy, behind locked mobile phones, deleted threads and texts, and password protected files... And yet remain incredibly reverent about and attached to the idea of monogamy, which seems to be a contradiction of the highest order.

En mass as a collective, we are critical of other peoples infidelities and rather sanctimonious, especially when it involves a public figure with a high profile. Look how we raked that black golfer, whose name escapes me right now, Woody, wood pecker, or something like that was stripped of his endorsements for laying the dark pipe pretty much around the globe, with a string of very average females if the the truth be told.. Come on, what was he thinking..These girls, who by all accounts were blessed with a certain set of attributes, a shaven snatch piece, and the ability to suck a large orange through a tight straw, but little else.Did he think he could get away with it indefinitely!!!.. And the Women, who crawled out of the woods work like maggots from a rotten apple had an agenda of their own...Sisters were certainly doing it for themselves, and a girl gotta get paid, right???. Well paid they were, and humiliated the Woodsman was, and we all gloated and pointed the fingers, like a bunch of hyenas, fucking hypocrites we are and just like sheep we act with this herd like mentality, following the majority... But gutless when it comes to opposing the norm, inflicted in to us by the Fascist media machine we pay handsomely to read and glean our daily information from.

We condemn the unfaithful publicly and gossip about them privately, we condemn ourselves when we transgress, and lose ourselves to guilt and suffer identity crises.'' How could we do this, what have i done?" ''This isn't who we are, and what its come to''. Spilt milk, and crying springs to mind once again, you fucking spineless jellyfish.. Take what you want and need, then detach and run and hide..

Why do we live this dichotomized existence? why do we support the idea of monogamy so heartily while not being able to be faithful?. Why do we persist on having affairs, persist in believing the dream when we are not comfortable with or especially capable of either??

Society has lost its way a tad i feel, and although i am all for the empowerment of the female, and the re-addressing of the ying and yang balance which has been heavily tittled towards male dominance for far to long, this new age movement of the female, coinciding with TV exposure of series such as desperate housewives, sex and the city, californication et al, we have traveled way to far up the see-saw and now the balance has been tipped in favor of the gentler sex, although Girls, don't go burning your bra's and removing your panties just yet in a bid for liberation. As i write there are still nine countries where a woman can be killed for being unfaithful, and many more where you will be stoned for as much as getting your teeth stuck on your top lip, which is ironic, as for some of you, thats as close as it gets to a genuine smile..

I am not advocating double standards, far from it, but unless you girls pull the reigns in and start controlling the game and not being the game, then each gender will find themselves awfully confused as to their roles in life and society in general, and if you don't, it wont be long before men, like the honey bee will start to become a redundant life form, as you can choose the sex, and characteristics of your ideal child from a good book. and the turkey baster, and sperm milk shake of your choice will be all you'll need to go it alone, but girls you dont want that, not really..You may think you enjoy controlling proceedings, and evening up the score for the past 2000 years, but underneath, you all still want a man to be a man, to take control, to make you feel safe, to protect and to take you into his cave and smash the back out of you..

Shit, got carried away.. Thats exactly what you are doing, just not with your husband or partner.

Humanity is foooooked...

Oh well, if cant beat them, join them!!!... Now where's my club......................

Until the next time, MAY THE PALM BE WITH YOU