T'is the 19Th of Feb, 2009.. How yall doing?
Today i want to share with you a random happening, which i experienced personally today ...
which at the time was hugely embarrassing, but became comical, retrospectively..
I had a meeting in Oxford, back in the UK, with an old friend, so i made my way to the cafe and parked the car at the back of the establishment.. On my way in to the car park, i noticed 2 very attractive waitress's who work there,were stood outside having a ciggy next to the back door which leads to the cafe, but also to the disabled toilet ,which the staff like to use...
I decided to take this back door entry point, as i am well known to the owner, and the girls, who know me from serving my friends and i, to many time to mention..I smiled and said hi ,as cool as a cucumber, and watched one of the girls blush as i threw her a wink..
I decided last second to dip into the karse and check myself out in the mirror, with no intentions at all to use the throne, which i walked past..OK, i did notice on entry that it smelt a little funky in there, but to be expected, after all, as its not the botanical gardens, but my usual sharp sense of observations had let me down, and i only noticed with grief stricken horror ,when it was to late what was in the pan, or should i say around, in ,and all over the fucking pan.. HORROR..
Whoever had taken a shit before me, and it wasn't to long before,trust me, must have had a sprinkler attachment wedged up his/her arsehole,. Literally, this animal had pebble dashed the fucking joint, with tractor tire like skid marks running down the pan, and all the way to the u bend.. And it had actually made it to the seat, i swear to Satan...
Then my day just got a whole lot worse, when one of the girls knocked on the door and asked...'' Hey, will you be long in there''.. EEEKS.. i froze, as i was banged to rights.. I was up shit creek without a paddle, literally, in this case, and to cap this nightmare off, there was no toilet brush, which OK, i will admit, at that juncture, i would have been willing to scrub the place clean, yep, clean this non humans faeces up rather than unlock that door and face the humiliation of the 2 waitress's believing i was responsible for this fucking mess....
Isn't pride a strange thing, when, and i am not alone here, we are capable, or worse still, willing to clean other peoples shit up to avoid nobodies possibly thinking i was responsible for something which every single human being on this planet does daily, even the Queen of England, who in fact squats on 2 thrones, not simultaneously i know, but i will wager, One does not remove the pebble dashing from the royal shit house...
Anyway, i even contemplated rolling handfuls of toilet roll up and start scrubbing, how fucked up is that??, i actually considered hand scrubbing the joint to avoid possible finger pointing embarrassment,and a job, if offered i would not take for 200 pound an hour... Pride indeed is a weird thing...
BUT my senses resumed, and i decided to open up and take the walk of shame, which i did, and walked straight by the girls, looking as guilty as the elusive Phantom crapper of old London town, ran to my car and drove off asap, calling my friend at the same time to re-schedule our meeting place.....
So shit head, if you are reading this, you ruined my day and street cred in one foul bowel movement moment, so when i find out who is responsible, i am going to send a couple of unhinged, psychopathic Albanians to super glue 3 the cheeks of your arse together.... Bastard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LOLLLLLLLLLLLL
UNTIL THE NEXT TIME
MAY THE PALM BE WITH YOU
