Good afternoon from sunny UK, on this glorious early summer's day.
As i sit sipping a pint of extra cold shandy with my lap top in front of me, i am scanning the beach for points of interest, which for me is usually people, interacting in their idiosyncratic way with one another, or with themselves.Our behavior, whether conscious or not, gives away so much, like a pantomime, and we can learn so much from just thin slicing events which unfold in front of our eyes perpetually on a daily basis, especially when ascertaining the character traits of fellow homo sapiens we meet.
We must learn to trust our intuition, as the 1st impressions are often the correct ones, but we have lost that ability, or we have become to polite to follow what we know to be correct.....OK, sometimes we are wrong, as every rule has an exception, but thin slicing is an art we are all skilled in, and it will, above all keep you safe,so trust it, and don't suffer fools gladly....
T'is Sunday, 1oth of May 2009......... GREETINGS....................................................................
Today i want to take a look and make a few observational comments about the Eastern Block, specifically the Russian's.Now having lived in Dubai now for the last 2 years, i can spot one from the next county, and have 1st hand knowledge of certain ways which is unique to them.
Being British, we have moaned incessantly about the Germans whilst abroad, who's anti social behaviour, and contempt for anything not German is well documented and make terrible bed fellows,for just about anyone, mainly because when they are around, there are no fucking beds of any type to enjoy the sun, as Hanz and Fritz have set their alarm clocks for daft o clock in the morning, and whilst every other sane person is still dreaming of a day in the sun, they have nipped down to the beach and covered half the beach with crisp, efficient towels,..Vorsprung Dork Technik mother fuckers they are, but, pale into insignificance, and incomparable with the rudeness of Boris and Ivan, and his family of Designer badge wearing loin cloths...
On the beach where i spend a lot of my time, i have 2 chairs which i keep, clearly marked..PRIVATE, with my house number on them, and messages down the side in clear black marker pen.''for fuck sake, keep off you thieving Gypsy's'', But to no avail. Every day i wake and look out the window, Some Russian, at least 65 years old with the arse the size of St Peters burg, wearing a D&G thong has sprawled herself all over it, with a leopard print towel, which is extremely offensive and insulting to my chair, draped all over it..
On the other chair is either 3 family members, with matching Prada sun glasses, and horrific bikinis with more labels than sainsbury's on them, or Louis Vuitton beach bags by the dozen,packed with God knows what, but being Dubai, probably ill gotten cash which needs a good wash, and i don't mean in the sea!!or AK47's, or both....
So i have this groundhog behavioural pattern of telling them daily that the chairs belong to me, which results in much disgruntlement and shouting and foot stomping, and I'm sure, if i was not in Dubai, one of those bags would have been ripped open, and would be staring down the barrel of a semi automatic weapon..
Even the women have special forces tattoo's depicting another human being torn apart by horses running in different directions.. I'm sure most of the Russians in Dubai are ex KGB or Spetsnaz, But boy they spend dough, like a lord Rothschild with a fortnight to live..(although, with Rothschild being Jewish, he is more likely to be cryogenically suspended, until the technology to bring him back has been invented, so he can spend his shekels all over again on himself,rather than spend lavishly)..Just a thought....
I understand the majority of them had it hard growing up. We Brits moan when we have to cue for ten Min's, but these guys had to cue for 75years for a loaf of bread, and the most popular pastime was eating lumps of concrete, or wiping out the next village,so the world understands, Honest.....Tongue firmly in cheek......
But that gives you no excuse for your dress sense.
What is it with the guys wearing costumes like speedo's, but without style and so much tighter.
Still, they are better dressed than their wives/Girlfriends. Ladies,Only Peter String fellow wears a thong in today's modern world, OR, a size 8 with a flawless, Brazilian derriere.Not when you are nudging 80 years of age, nor nudging 100kilo's at 1.5meters..Its not a good look, trust me.
Now, there are without doubt some stunning Eastern Block Girls in Dubai, but they don't come cheap, either for a night of scrabble, ( Dubai code)..or a trophy partner, which will cost you the proverbial arm, leg, and another arm to keep her running off with a bigger wallet than yours..
At the Atlantis water park a few weeks ago, i was lying in my tyre after an invigorating ride down one of the exciting water slides, when i looked up and saw a Pamela Anderson type on steroids. The 1st thing i focused on was her lips, which were pumped so full of collagen, she looked like an Orangutan, with a pony tail, and i do mean her facial lips, not those which resemble a camels toe, which I'll get to in a bit....Further down, her bikini top did little to conceal the most enormous pair of Saline/silicon breasts which defied gravity and all other Newtons laws. On her shoulder she had tattoo of a great white shark eating a babies head, which was a nice touch, and a pair of legs which went on forever, but all that was spoilt by her ''don't you dare look in my direction'' type scowl, which was difficult, bearing in mind the circus freakishness proportions of her Jessica rabbit body, and a bikini you could use as a hair band...Coupled with the unnerving fact that her boyfriend, also sporting a tattoo of two bulldozer's running over some peaceful protesters, and a weapon concealed in his speedo's, and not the weapon we men piss out of...i calmly looked the other way and bumped into another Russian Women, who was the antithesis, aesthetically of our aforementioned Bimbo. This one had obviously eaten so much Pizza, she had begun to look like one, and was bigger than the tractor tyre she was sitting in..I said sorry, but not a flicker of emotion, or an acceptance of my apology, which brings me back to the Germans.
At least they will engage you in conversation, and apologise for their countries conduct in the war,As for the Russians, they still think they are fighting it.....But the Karki and jack boot has been replaced by Something Vesarce created whilst on a coke and acid binge.
Style. grace, and class is a natural state,which cannot be acquired, nor purchased..and it matters not one jot how many speed boats you ski behind Boris.. or how many Ferrari's you race down the Sheik Zayed road.. You may have more rubles than Nigeria's national debt, but you will never buy good manners, nor social integration. The cold war finished years ago, but the cold attitude is as frosty as ever...
Until the next time, thank you and good night.
MAY THE PALM BE WITH YOU.
