JOHNTOMAS RIDES AGAIN.

Hello hello... and welcome back after a long sabbatical.

No real reason other than nothing topical to write about, and don't want to become a writer who's observations become as interesting as walking on cracks in the pavement, so.. Here we go!!!

T'IS FRIDAY, THE 1ST OF MAY 2009................................

Lets start proceedings with something topical, and indeed, end with something topical, and in the middle, a couple of random events and happenings on my journey during this mortal coil.

Any moment now, the American/British/Israel war machine, with its ILLUMINATI owned news channel's, IE, Fox, CNN, sky, BBC will wheel out a bin laden lookey- likey, complete with glued on beard,An over sized white shirt and traditional head gear, supporting an American made automatic weapon, but actually firing camel shit out of a catapult, aimed at a weather balloon owned by NASA..

This tape will then find its way onto AL Jazeera,via the Orwellian news channels, and will be credited as legitimate, again, by an antiquated CIA/NSA puppet expert, with odd looking bi focal's,a bow tie, and a hair do from the 50's..

Footage from bin laden's new cave dwelling lair, conveniently within the Pakistan borders , will accompany the footage which will justify killing another million innocents, and a full invasion of another sovereign nation.. Got to love the true axis of evil.. USA/ISRAEL ZIONISTS AND THE GOOD OLD UK..

The moral here is, '' never let the truth stand in the way of a good story'', or better still, a good old fashioned invasion, and the mass murder of squillions of innocents, under the auspicious, but not for the targeted ,umbrella of national security and world safety. If that isn't a great example of oxymoronic principles, then i am the Dalai Lama..

On a far lighter note, i recently went for a massage, as the stresses of snorkeling, go karting and playing football, oh, and volleyball, has taken its toll.

So ,on arrival i took a phone call from my girlfriend who wanted to know which gender would be laying there healing hands on me.

Now, I'm not homo phobic in the slightest, but the thought of a sweaty muscular fellow covered in man hair massaging my hamstrings , groins and lower abdomen is not my idea of relaxation, nor enjoyment..But equally, the thought of a flip flop(Filipino) nymphet sliding her hands under my towel intermittently, makes me girlfriend feel equally nervous, so i had to make a compromise.

I told her i was having a full Thai massage which involved an adult walking up and down my back, and not at all sexual, and nothing to worry about, other than the welfare of my spine.. She agreed only if a 1 meter high circus midget would be the person doing the walking..

Of course i agreed,as every massage parlour has one of these down in the basement, A-la the pulp fiction gimp, who gets released every time a jealous girlfriend feels insecure..

And to steal a phrase from my former paragraph, never letting the truth get in the way of a good story, i agreed to her request, and i laid back and enjoyed the warmth and relaxation that only a 21 year old former Thai beauty queen can give, ( female, may i add, in case there was any uncertainty in that last sentence)... See picture above for clarity.....

45 Min's later i was in a semi comatose state, and realised i had pitched a tent, to my surprise, but not hers it would seem.

She asked me if i would like a ''happy ending''.. I thought, how could she be interested at a time like this in telling me a bedtime story, but soon found out the happy ending she was talking about did not involve 3 bears of differing size, but the porridge certainly made an appearance.)

Driving home from a bar last week, i was pulled over by the lovely fascist Nazi fuck wits, the good old British police Cuntstable, in fact a pair of Cuntstables.
As a non drinker, i had nothing to worry about, but i like to play games as anybody knows me will clearly testify, so i thought i would have a giggle with her majesty's finest

i said in a slobbering, drunken voice..Good ''cuntsternoon afterball, i dront dink'', replying to predictable opening salvo of , '' have we had a drink''.. (whats all this fucking we business when they can see i am clearly alone???).. They cant even speak their mother tongue correctly.

I repeated ''No, we have not!!''.. smirking ,as i repeated his stupid illiteracy.
He then decided to piss me off by producing a bag and said'' would you mind blowing into this bag''?... I answered immediately, ''why, are your chips to hot''?.

''funny sir, but no, this is serious, as this bag will tell me if you have had to much to drink''.
'That's a coincidence'' i said, ''As i have an old bag at home who can tell me that as well''.....

''Hey Rob'', the brain dead houseplant whispered to his equally brain dead, George Bushesq partner.. ''This guy thinks he's a comedian''...

''i think nothing of the sort'' i said, i know i am!!''

The boys in blue then threatened me with arrest, for what i don't know, but being a smart arse, i politely reminded them of section 25 of the pace act, and that doing that would result in a probable disciplinary for them both...

At that point, steam could be seen visibly escaping from both ill fitted collars of these 2 rottweilers with badges, who then realised i was stone cold sober, and had been winding them up from the 1st second,and proceeded to save face with various boring tactics and veiled threats, which i wont bore you with.

Needless to say, we both went our separate ways, me laughing, and they swearing revenge no doubt. So if you read in the paper anytime soon that a car in my possession was found with 5 kilo's of Columbia's finest or a bale of weed which could choke a dozen donkeys on, you'll know its a set up, and i would be grateful for a protest and lobbying for the release of johntomas666. cheers!!!.

Lets end on a really topical event, as i like to be at the fore front of newsworthy happenings, and this topic is THEE hottest ticket in town right now...

SWINE FLU!!!!!

The very name is striking fear into the hearts of the masses and sheeple, who are, as we speak, rushing to the local builders yard, scooping hand fulls of paper masks, and disinfectant, whilst simultaneously calling their GP's on the mobile , insisting on a shot of Tamiflu, for the whole family..... ''Calm the fuck down please''

Let me explain.

Ignore these Government health warnings, and scare mongering tactics, which are nothing more than the classic magician's mis direction technique they use when wanting to propel something far more sinister into place, whilst keeping our minds occupied with an impending crisis...

So, If you are experiencing symptoms like Bad breath, sweaty and smelling underarms, with an increasing fear of Pigs..Do not panic.....You do not have swine flu, Your just a Paki..

ROB ,ERIN, GLYN, KARIS, ANGELA..... Debate that fucker...lolllllllllllllllll

Much love, thank you and .goodnight