Palm Enders..Rule and regs of the homeless

Its here.. 2009 was ushered in by haze of firework smoke, and party's across the globe, although Elton Johns famous, or infamous new years eve soiree went off like a wet rocket, something to do with global recession, which upset the rocket man no end i hear..

Can you imagine being on the end of a tongue thrashing from old Reg Dwight..(Elton's real name if you're wondering).. What a diva, and before you start, I'm well aware of the inference that Elton, being a screaming iron, and the tongue lashing I'm sure he has both delivered and received during his illustrious life of a raging Queen, with a host of flamers across the globe..... Actually, Elton got off lightly on a previous blog about hairpieces i wrote, but ho hum, onwards and upwards...

OK, just a quick one today..

' 'WHY DO THE HOMELESS THE WORLD OVER HAVE TO SHOUT''

Is it just me, or have you noticed that the homeless of the world have all adopted this strange behaviour of shouting at anything and anybody, including fellow homeless, regardless of the fact that they are within a meter of each other??...

I know its very sad, and in a modern society, its a tragedy that we have people sleeping rough in doorways and squatting in other peoples homes... (Actually, if any homeless are reading this, 25% of the palm Villa's are unoccupied, with windows often left open, so may i suggest a quick read of squatters Rights, (the Dubai edition)..then take a few swimming lessons, then get yourselves over there and claim a piece of the 8Th wonder for yourselves)...happy days....for you and your 12,000 dogs which seem to be the standard fashion accessory to the homeless... Go on guys, get over there and ingratiate yourselves to the new rich.. Mr trapped Sparrow( remember him, and his leopard clad bikini wearing hare em will welcome you with open arms, or a Kalashnikov..

But really, is there a booklet which states you must shout incoherent thoughts, once removed from a fixed abode, or constantly fight with your fellow hobo's for no apparent reason whatsoever, and argue and fight, screaming abuse at your partner, who runs off, then runs back , only 2 seconds later repeating this groundhog day sequel until they collapse into a doorway, exhausted from this daily routine, with Carling extra strength used as cushions...

Maybe they shout because the barking of the loyal 10 or so dogs they all seem to have each has rendered there ability to hear null and void...... Can we put this down also as unexplained phenomena, with students who can buy class A's, like there 's no tomorrow, but don't have two pennies to scratch there arses with, or the belly button fluff which is a different color to the shirt you have worn all day...

And when will they stop insulting us with give us a pound so i can get into the night shelter..

No, be honest and tell me you want to buy beer and skunk weed, and i will give you double, but stop with the lies already... Take a leaf from our esteemed gentleman in the photo at the top...

I bet he is off his mash all day everyday, with a beer collection to rival threshers...

So.. note to self, must make a conscious effort not to insult public with downright lies, that way, i will get my money for special brew and mind altering substances, and the old lady i just spotted will get to keep her handbag....

Until the next time..

HAPPY NEW YEAR AND THE PALM IS WATCHING YOU

Palm Enders.. New Years Eve... (bleached Arseholes)

Greetings one and all From a Cold and dark room somewhere in the UK.,
my temporary retreat until the 9th of Jan, where i will be once again, back on the Palm....

Tis Wednesday, 31st of December......

Lets have a look at a few random things and thoughts today, with know real direction, just a collection of observations, and i would like to start with Xmas TV in the UK...

It never gets any better, and still panders to the illiterate, brain dead moronic moron's who wallow in an alcohol, Mince pie, and too much of everything induced coma, waking intermittently to The Royal family who are also sat on the sofa, in a comatose state with there Primark woollies proudly on display.. And Jim Royal, and his family are no better......(think about it..)duhhhh

Talking of things royal, i must share this fact with you.
Did you know, the antiquated traditional Guard who stands, statue like outside Buck Palace, unable to move for hours, still wear stupid hats made from the fur of Black Bears, which cost the UK tax payer. £320,000 a year to facilitate this ridiculous tradition, and a 1o0 bears a year a slaughtered to keep making these fucking things..
As an alternative, may i suggest synthetic, or lets make a couple from the Queens pubic region, or Prince Charles Arse fur.....Better still, do away with that old rocking chair Prince Phillip and make an array of hats, gloves shoes etc with his carcass.., that way, he becomes useful, something that parasite has not been since he was produced from some reptilian hybrid womb centuries ago.

Some new readers who have found my blog have asked me to tone down the language and religious comments...as they feel its spoiling the humour...To them i say simply this.''GET FUCKED''
YOU DON'T LIKE IT, DON'T FUCKING READ IT, SO HAVE A HAPPY GAY BISHOP ARSE RIDING NEW QUEER''

I look at the world as an agnostic realist, and not here to win popularity contests, only to relay my thougths on how i see the world... it's called democracy, that last bastion of freedom before that's also taken from us from the big brother, Illuminati controlled nanny state which is spreading like a cancer quicker than you can shake a stick........

Talking of religion, the church are now offering an i-pod mini in return for one new soul.., Not a bad offer in my humble opinion.. My advise, Sign away your eternal soul to the church, grab your mp3 player then renounce your vows, before the brainwashing starts.. The big Fella will forgive you, he's omnipotent and i hear he has a wicked sense of humour, so will see the funny side in blagging an i-pod.... dial 0800 godpod for details...

''AND THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE'' but it'll piss you off 1st.



I bet the catholic/christian readers here have faces now redder than the devils dick...

''CHEESUS CRUST'', lighten up.... Actually, not a bad name that for a religious pizza franchise that.. TM.. my patent lawyer is watching.....

Funniest thing i experienced at Xmas was my girlfriend licking her cats fur,and no, that's not a metaphor, its a real cat, with real fur.. consequently, she was choking and spluttering for hours after coughing up fur balls, but still insisted it was better than choking on my balls.
And who said romance was dead......)
She was joking of course, as within the hour she was bucking like an epileptic at a strobe lighting convention..sat astride yours truly..)

A message for the girls of Dubai and the Palm......
This year,Keep kissing plenty of frogs, and you may just lift the spell and find your Prince charming under one of those Dishdash's.. Good luck, and let me know if you find one


Final observation....
I hear that the latest must have in our quest for eternal beauty is... wait for it.....
THE BLEACHED ARSEHOLE.... and I'm not talking about an albino who talks shit all night.....

Nope, i mean the starfish of the north....i kid you not,
what the fuck is wrong with the world when women, and now men are having peroxide painted on the that most delicate and personal of areas...
Below is a comical review of how i imagine things to go.

''I was reluctant at first but was suprised at the “clean” feeling just knowing that my anus is now fit for public viewing. I can whip my trousers down anytime and no longer have to worry about the “big brown eye” I recommend that everyone should bleach their anus - Frank, from texas

Thank god I found anal bleaching when I did. My bum hole was a real bad colour due to over 30 years of use. Now that my anus has been bleached, it’s like I have a new arsehole all ready to go again! - Nik, the palm

I know some of you people have this problem, and fortunately I’m here to help. I found a place where you can purchase a 2.5 oz. tub of an anal bleaching cream for only $9.99 . A lot of products sell for a whole lot more than that. If you’re interested (and I know you are.let me know). michael barrymore

If anyone out there reading this knows of somebody who has this done, please drop me a line.. I promise not to mention it..... lol......................

Until the next time... HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY.................

THE PALM IS WATCHING YOU




'
'