A mish mash of observations and tit bits.

Good morning from the Palm, and once again, when normal people are tucked up in bed, snoring and dreaming they that they have a job., sorry.. Alas, twas a dream...



I am searching my memory banks for snippets which I want to share, and before I proceed, I want to state I am the eternal optimist, though my therapist suggests I am living in Denial....,

And she does not mean the white, nor blue body of water that runs through Egypt, but in fact in DE-NILE of something else...



What, she does not know, which is highly amusing, but she feels it could have something to do with my mum taking my stretch Hulk action figure away from me when i was 3 years old...Surprised she hasn't suggested that its a latent yearning to be breast fed again, although, can see the attraction ...



. You know how these physic therapists always revert to matters relating to mothers and sex.. Just like that cocaine snorting freak, Sigmund Fraud...(and its deliberate)... before you start.. All fucking bonkers if you ask me..... OK, forgive my dark sardonic wit, its rather sledge hammer at times, and we'll move on..



I guess i can write how i do, as i am fortunate enough to be in a solid loving relationship, albeit, a long distance one, which gives me a solid platform in which to express my worldly observations, which, some will find odd, and may well be scratching your heads, thinking, ''what the fuck is he talking about now''.. But, bear with me....



If i was dating the Bitch De jour, and spent a good part of my time wondering what the hell she was doing and with whom, my mind set would be of a guy who's girl has been pork'd on prom night by ten guys, and not even bothered to douche, before finally making it home with me.... Not nice or stable at all... , or having to deal with being hit squarely in the face with another persons love jacket, when she leaves, which scrambles the senses, and one loses perspective of everything and anything...



So, trust allows for a healthy frame of mind, which transcends beyond anything else, which is a great place to be.... And it would seem, a very rare commodity in today's, must have all i want age.... OK,, onwards and upwards.



Today a friend told me a story which happened last night, involving himself, who we'll call Eric Roberts, due to his resemblance to Julia Roberts brother, and a girl he picked up, who looked more like Ronnie Corbett... not a good start i must say, but got worse, as on getting into bed with this monster, both very much the worse for wear due to alcohol, Eric had forgotten he had left a large chocolate coin in the bed from night before, and subsequently during hot steamy sex, this coin melted everywhere, hence when he woke up and pulled back the covers,.........

He almost died, as a very large brown stain had formed on her arse, and all over the sheets.. and presumed the worse, and wondered exactly what they had gotten up to the night before with martini cocktails clouding his memory.... So he had to run the gauntlet and do the smell my fingers test( guys, you've all been there, so know wincing.).. Can only imagine his relief, when it turned out to be cadburys, and not a case of incontinence...Amusing, thanks for that Eric....



Why do Arabic guys go to the cinema with friends, then spend the whole fucking movie shouting into there phones, which by the way, are set to loudest setting and scriptures being wailed across the cinema , which are the preferred ring tone of choice it would seem, And is it me, or do they sound like a German with a heavy cold, trying to remove and cough up large amounts of phlegm from there throats, or is that just normal communication skills....Are they so arrogant that they feel we want to share their conversations with the whole frigging room, after paying 100 ding dongs to watch a movie in gold glass..

Clueless, rude ,camel jockey's... Turn the fucker off..Or stay at home and cough and splutter and shout till you lose your voice you melon.. And its not just him... There are loads of these fuckers, all competing with each other, to see who has loudest Arabic chant ring tone, coupled with most annoying loud voice.



And whilst in the cue, some charming local the size of a small Starbucks shop stood on my foot whilst pushing past me without asking, nor caring.. This was bad enough, and grounds for sticking a fork in his arse, and watching him fly round the room like a popped balloon, but he then proceeded to just allow his world to fall out of his bottom... I kid you not, he farted which sounded like a v8 Ferrari overtaking a lorry..... like it was his god given right for his anus to explode whenever he felt like



Now, at this point, i laughed like a hyena, and moved from the path of this ozone destroying bout of flatulence,which was melting ice caps as i stood and watched, but others stayed and did not say a word, nor found this strange, and i actually watched as the people near him started taking in small sniffs, in rapid succession,like a macabre and sadistic ritual which i have seen many times.



Its almost like people want to grade how bad this fart smells, before making gestures to all around and say things like pooooooooooooooooooooooorr.... that stinkssssssssss..... Of course it fucking does, the guy has just consumed the 1st page of McDonald's menu, and he super sized everything.. What do you expect,... Why the hell would you want to get a good lung full before realising this human skunk is living foul..... , Not pleasant and People are weird.



Last observation.

I was watching a documentary on children who are idiot savants, which is a form of autism, and manifests in many different ways, but often in a way which enables the child to be prodigious, and truly spectacular in some form or another...

This one lad could play Beethoven's 5Th with one hand from memory, but if i asked him to undo a jar of peanut butter and he would be well and truly snookered, completely bamboozled, and the same kid could again from memory recite whole chapters of Shake spear, but try and give him a cuddle, and he would screamed the fucking house down...

I'm sorry, but i was laughing as much as i did when i watched some poor sod with turrets syndrome swear so bad at his mother who asked if he wanted some tea, it took the paint of the walls... And to this day, i swear ( pun intended) that documentary on Turrets is pure comedy genius, and better than any stand up show in history, OK, so i am not politically correct, i don't claim to be, and PC has spread like a virus to the point where its gotten out of control..... So fuck it... if something is funny, i will laugh, and not wonder if its PC to do so...

Which is why i don't have kids i guess, and some will say the reason condoms were invented, to stop the breeding of such cruel humour with no understanding of sensitivity being passed on through my gene pool...

So my Girl wants me to wear a condom, which is a big no no in my world. You know, i can dance,play the drums, sing in tune, so the rhythm method is obviously the system of choice pour moi..., i Gots the rhythm method down....anyway, condoms are real passion killers, although one time i tried them,when we had finished,after 8 hours, i know a quick one, but match of the day was on..))))) that bit on the end was real handy for me to put my foot on when taking it off,.....

Signing off for now....Johntomas.. better known as LONG DONG SILVER... .)







You see, there is a method in my madness...