Tiger Tiger, Burning bright.....

From the title of today's blog, there are no prizes for guessing who's in the firing line, and unless you have been living under a rock for past 3 weeks, one could not escape the carnage which has enveloped the wealthiest sportsman on this planet, and i hear you say, ''Please, no more, we could not give a Michelson's lob wedge how many whores he's been fucking, or strippers, pole dancers, trailer park trash moms, which he seems to be fond of etc he's been sticking his over sized genitalia into''..( i know, social stereotypes abound, but i hear through the golfing grapevine, he has his over sized wood which he swings with great aplomb, that makes Dirk Diggler sit up and take notice).. Anyway, i would like to throw my hat into the ring and give you my own take on Messieurs Tiger Woods, Johntomass stylee...

T'is Thursady, 17th December 2009.......Welcome to my world

First off, why are people so surprised that Tiger has been caught with his trousers down.?

He is a wealthy, scrub that, immensely wealthy guy, influence beyond imagination, power, and a global audience which makes Simon Cowell dance around forest fires like Rumpelstiltskin, cursing his luck.... To accompany this list he is a reasonably attractive guy, well, he seems to be until he removes his Nike baseball cap, and he suddenly resembles a Vietnamese retard.. Not having a pop here, just calling it how i see it, and i will review the variety of bloodlines which makes up the complete woods genome later on in this blog, but for now we'll continue down this road for now...

Ok, with a list of attributes as long as my Johnson, its no wonder girls are queuing up at 19Th holes around the globe with a chance of snaring themselves a big cat, and the chance of a healthy chunk of hush money, which seems to be flying out of Tigers secret numbered accounts to the tune of ZAMBIA'S NATIONAL GDP on a monthly basis, and it would appear this pussy cat really does like his cream. But my point is this, Why are people surprised, he's a man, with opportunity, period.!! Lots of them, like rolling stock on a conveyor belt, a never ending supply of fresh meat to devour.Take a look back through history to see how royalty, political heads of state, whole dynasty's have been taken down by that most prime of all real estates on this planet.. That's right, ladies and germs, where the thighs of both legs are reunited. PUSSY...

That piece of real estate is like kryptonite to the majority of the males on this planet, and has such a magnetic pull, its futile attempting to repel its power..... and the sooner this is recognized in the whole Venus V's Mars conundrum, the less column inches infidelity will consume.

On a lighter note, anyone in golf will know playing the wrong hole is a two shot penalty, so Tiger, the single 3 wood to the side of head was getting off lightly, although playing the wrong hole 11 times and counting who knows whats in store for you....But i'd certainly be trading that escalade in for a full military spec Hummer.

Maybe if you'd changed your name to Cheetah instead of Tiger, she would have been more lenient on you, just a thought... And the irony of Nike's great logo of ''just do it'' surely has not gone unnoticed... Certainly made me smile...

Now what make's Tiger so formidable on the course is a question for the ages, but i have come up with my own view based on his colorfull mix of bloodlines from different countries.

Part Afro American, part white man, part Dutch, and part Vietnamise, and those 4 different races have combined to produce the perfect golfer.

The Afro Amercan, gives him the natural grace and power, the Vietnamese for when he's stuck in the deep rough, jungles, etc which he escapes from quite beautifully, The Dutch, which gives him that laid back, calm temperment, which is essential when under pressure, and the White man in him means he can get on the course in the first place... You see, a perfect combo...

Different races have different genes you see, but often they don't work out for the best,For example.

I knew this fella, whose dad was a pygmy, and his mother was French, A brilliant cook, but alas could not reach the stove.

Another man i knew, his father was Russian, and his mum a Swiss Arab, and i used to see him walking ten yards behind his old dad with a dish dash on drinking vodka out of a cuckoo clock..

Last but not least.

Another man i knew, who's Mum was French and his Dad was french..He was a CUNT.!!!

On that note, i will bid you Good night, and Tiger, if i was you I'd have my Lawyers going over that pre-nup... Could turn out to be the most expensive Fuck in the history of Fuck ups..

May the palm be with you.....