Why must you lie...

I know, there has been has zero consistency in the house of Tomas of late, and my ability to write blogs with regularity has dissipated in recent weeks, but I won’t apologize. That’s the price one pay’s for sprinting the first few miles of a marathon, and the prolific word count when I started this thing off has led to this eventuality.. There is only so much a busy man can observe in any given time frame.. Blah blah fucking blah..Anyway, enough excuses and the ink is ready to roll again.

Well, lucky for you guys, here’s another one coming at cha, and the topic Du jour is the Lebanese and Iranians living in Dubai, and deary me, you can’t turn round without bumping into at least one of the aforementioned story tellers.

What is it with these two cultures although polarized in many aspects of history, beliefs and ideology share a common theme in Dubai. ‘’The Barry McGuigan complex’’,( giving it the big’un) which loosely translates into Storytelling, lying, deceiving and self promotion to the detriment of all others, whilst spending copious amounts of money which quite frankly they don’t have at their disposal. Now, I am well aware that is a statement so broad, it makes even my shoulders appear narrow, and I am sure the majority of both nations are a credit to the human race, in fact I know plenty from both countries and indeed they are wonderful people, but for some reason, Dubai, acts like a huge arse hole magnet for them both.

Can somebody tell me, Is there some kind of advert running in the Beirut Bugle, or the Tehran times, appealing for Arse holes only, who have the ability to spend 3 times their salary in a month, drive exotica on phony credit lines afforded to them by our useless banking system, infidelity is a pre-requisite of course, as is mental cruelty to any UN lucky female daft enough to get snared by one of these charmers, and telling the truth about anything personal, or on a work front, strictly forbidden, for fear of exposure, and the collapse of the ego and pride on which this masquerade is built…. One way tickets only though guys, im afarid, unless you sign a pre arranged iron clad contract, which stipulates you must enter an Arse hole quarantine on arrival back in Tehran or Beirut for at least 12years, which is the minimum amount of time one needs to be cured of all of the above and become a normal functioning human being once again..

Well, that application form must be the most successful in the history of application forms, as Dubai is , or should I say, it WAS, full to the brim with these wonderful divot's, until the economic downturn exposed them for what they are, confidence tricksters, and due to our soon to be changed bankruptcy laws, the Sheik Zayed road became a carbon copy of the gumball rally, as crocodile shoes, cowboy hats, jewelry, big cigars, enough hair gel to give Vidal Sassoon a semi on and flashy watches jockeyed for position as they raced towards the airport in an array of hire purchased sports exotica with dear john letters in the glove box and one way tickets back to Arsehole quarantine. Which proves that every cloud indeed contains a silver lining, so celebrate the recession, and smile brightly, that Dubai is once again a safer place to reside, although I hear the locals in Tehran and Beirut are crying into their teeth whitening containers…. Oh well, they do belong to you after all, so suck it up, show some brotherly love for these lost souls, and embrace their return to the mother lands.. A big career in politics awaits them, as they clearly display all the atributes required for a successful career in that field, namely lying, cheating, bragging, deceiving fuck wits.... Tony Blair loves you guys by the way...Wonder why????

Guys, I won’t hold it against you, or think anything less of you if on meeting me on the beach, or in the various coffee shops on the palm or in Dubai, you just exchange small talk and shoot the breeze for 5 Min's, although tedious at times, its far and away a superior way of passing the time than attempting to blow smoke up my Arris with claims you have inside information on the latest wonder stock which is about to announce something major which will triple the share price over night, and promises to call me well in advance before this life changing even takes place… Listen, we both know you know fuck all about fuck all when it comes to inside info, so better leave the ego inflating stories for your fellow Persians who are used to such claims and stories, so therefore wont judge you or write truthful but hurtful blogs, outlining your need to impress with bullshit…. Comprende!!!!!

Until the next time,

MAY THE PALM BE WITH YOU.