Supermarket Nuances

The Vitruvian man.!!

Greetings one and all, and especially to Geraldine from Chile, who really is my biggest fan, so this ones for you from Dubai to Santiago.

T'is Sunday, the 4th of October, 2009.

Sitting on my sofa this evening watching the football, my mind wandered from here to there, and back to here again, and somewhere in between, a selection of random thoughts came into my mind, so i will share them with you.

1st up are Supermarkets, and the strange behavior that humans display whilst shopping there, or for those unfortunate enough to be employed by one of these giants, working there, and i am not claiming any superiority here, just because i have acquired a certain set of skills in life and been blessed with a mercurial brain, which has enabled me to buy a few objects of high material value does not make me any better or superior to the lowly check out girl, or toilet attendant who takes great pride in scrubbing the pebble dash from under the rim after some fat Arab has almost broken the pan with the whole world falling out of his arse hole. We are all equals in my eyes, its just that our warped society has yet to realize or understand it. Anyway, will leave that for another blog.....

Was watching how men who shop in my local Carrefour in the Dubai mall refuse to get a trolley, and tell their spouses, partners, lovers in a macho way, ''Don't worry love about the trolley, we wont be getting much, this hand basket will be fine, i'll carry it darling, leave this to me'', they then proceed to fill the basket with rubbish before the 1st aisle is walked, and the funny bit is, the heavier it gets, the further up the arm the basket goes, until its sat in the crease of the bicep and the cool machismo has turned into a beading forehead, and a burn in the bicep which you could not achieve with a 100 curls..I swear, look out for it next time you are there,and equally as funny, at the check out, all the men are kicking the full to the brim baskets along the floor and complaining about how slow the cue is moving.Moron's, listen to your better and more equipped better half, they have been doing this shit for years, and know these shopping pearls of wisdom..

And before i leave this supermarket theme, two more observations whilst i was in there, and the first was the attendant pulling a cage full of goods and produce along the floor, which i was refilling the aisles with, whilst grunting and weezing, like a gorilla having an asthma attack, and could not help but think, this guy belongs in that cage,with the top firmly shut, poor guy, it appeared that evolution had just passed this missing link right on by.. But i am no better than him either..(lol)

Last but no means least was the sight, and this is more common in the UK than Dubai, of single parent Women shopping with their illegitimate offspring sat in their Mclaren/fisher price/ push chairs, and here's the mental part, with at least a fortnights shopping hanging off the back of the thing. I swear, come on, you've seen this a million times, and the really funny thing is, as long as you are not stood behind these delinquents in the cue, the child jumps up and runs off, and crash bang wallop, the chair tips up, and milk, eggs, toilet rolls, potatoes, fruit, and all, crashes to the floor.

What ever happened to the child, mother understanding of the see saw, and that the child is the opposing force which keeps this mobile shopping device on all 4 wheels.. Again, these people should be working in Divit's R us, with the brains of a rocking chair nestled somewhere underneath the peroxide rats maze of a hair do...

And the checkout girls are not budding Stephen Hawking's either. They just love to comment on the food you have bought as they scan it. '' oooh, treacle pudding, i love that, so yummy isn't it, so much treacle''.. umm yep, sure has Einstein, and ''ooohhhh cottage pie, with real pieces of cottage in there''.. Sure thing, pieces of wall and roof and floor board..Cottage is not a food source you fucking retard, and stop giving me a running commentary of everything i have bought.. Thank fuck i did not buy any condoms or tampons that day..!!!!

On the beach last week with my Girlfriend and a host of my Dubai beach mates, one of the gang said to her, ''Hey, is your man always like this, making fun of people and laughing and joking and being the comedian".. Of course i am, thats who i am, i make people laugh, well, and cry at times( you know who you are, and i'm sorry)..

Would you ask a brain surgeons wife the same question.

''Is he like that at home''.. Oh yes he is, he is always flicking the top of my head off whilst im trying to watch countdown, its fucking murder it is.. You see, mental people asking daft questions.. The world is full of non thinking entity's, and if you are one of them, that last statement has gone right over your little heads..lol.

Is it just my girlfriend or is it all women give off so much heat in bed, and what a menopausal one must be like, i cant imagine, like sharing a bed with Satan, and thats just the fucking mood swings before they sleep..and before they even start to do their best impression of a large radiator.

Thats why every home i will ever own will have a spare double bed always prepared for me to jump into if my partner starts to catch fire during the night.I swear last night even the hot water bottle was screaming at me to open the fucking window.. I so much prefer to sleep alone, and some of my friends say im selfish , or they say, Does Guna get upset when you leave her in the middle of the night...

Listen, i sleep like Da Vinci's Vitruvian man, and for those who are not that smart, or well read, i have put a picture up at the start , so now you can get a mental picture of me when i'm sleeping, so i'm doing it for her as well as me. And to be honest, i don't care what people think, humanity is held in a constant state of fear and anxiety because we are consumed with what others think or have, Not me, i could not give a Vegans fart... I sleep that way, because its life's chief nourishment, and without it i'm as cranky as pre- menstruating Margaret Thatcher, and that my friends, is not pleasant at all...So, Guna turn out the light in my bedroom AS YOU PASS IT ON YOUR WAY TO YOUR OWN PLEASE....

GOODNIGHT ALL, AND MAY THE PALM BE WITH YOU