Palm Enders.. At last, some gossip from the island

Ti's 13Th Jan,2009,
Welcome to this edition of Palm Enders, which will include a funny incident including members of the cast, of course hidden from public humiliation via the aliases I will give them, and No, its not 34ff.., before anyone asks.

But first I will preempt this incident with a little Venus V's mars conundrum..

Men are now expected in this modern world to deliver multiple orgasm’s, make love for hours, ( OK, not a problem for me, but for the mere mortals out there i sympathise) not complain when you are suffering from PMT, or get shouted at when we inquire if your suffering from PMT, and we ask because you are now behaving like a woman in Misery,and searching for pity...
you see, cant win...

I Blame men Men like David Beckham (who, people forget by the way has cheated on his wife multiple times, although i don't blame him, putting up with that witch must be hell on earth)

we are expected to look good at all times and be the perfect doting partner, hold down a good job and always look interested in anything you say, especially when its about what outfit you have chosen to wear, which a man dare not criticize for fear of a wrath so great, it makes Hannibal Lector coming over for lunch seem a preferred alternative....

OK, we men get it... Childbirth is tough,but you were designed for this, we were not..
Although it would appear the lower classes seem to embrace the pain with vigour, and regularly churn out numbers which could oppose the All Blacks at Twickenham.......so can't be that bad....

I can only imagine what it must feel like to squeeze out of my anus a shit the size of a water melon... Tell you what, it would only happen the once... , .

Yes PMT is terrible; I did read that doctors are going to give women a new tablet that will stop women having PMT and make them feel good. I thought “what could stop women feeling so bad and then make them feel good”, I thought “fucking hell, they are going to give them ecstasy” it turns out that they aren’t going too but it would take something equally as strong, so sorry girls, no pure mdma yet....

OK, to the scandal...

My esteemed friend, lets call him Jack, met up with a girl, called for arguments sake Anni...ummm i can hear you thinking...

Now, this girl just Love's sex, i mean top dollar sex,wants to have sex for hours, and that isn’t really possible, with Jack who, by his own admission does not see what’s wrong with 3 minutes and 26 seconds of ‘who’s your daddy’, a bout of flatulence immediately after and about 8 hours sleep….call him old fashioned, but men all across the land are now nodding there heads and muttering, is there another way then??.. ummm, yes, e mail me for details..)

So, our Jack's nervous, and the process of removing his clothes now starts,

He takes off his shoes, and both now on the sofa, things are progressing, she leads him to the bedroom, where they start kissing,
He's excited,and a bit drunk, but wants to impress. She undoes the buttons on jack's shirt,and he takes his belt off and undoes his trousers,
Jack's shirt is off, and takes off his trousers and boxers in one movement,. at the same time jack has been undressing Anni..

He's now stood there naked, with an erection you could hang a wet beach towel from, except for his socks, which he has forgotten until now.. Dilemma, he cant try and take them off now; its hard to look sexy when your stood on one leg with a tent pole attached to his balls and trying to peel off a sock, it will never come off smoothly,

He walks towards her, and she now completely naked looks down and starts laughing, as these socks are almost up to the knee with a colored hoop pattern, and our Jack is firmly in the camp of lust and laughter do not mix, and feels the blood leaving his pride and joy quicker than that black fella who disappeared with my wallet he snatched on the beach a while back..

He then thinks, Fuck it, i will grab my clothes and leave, but bending down to pick up his trousers, he falls forward, getting his legs tangled up, and head butts the girl still laughing like a hyena, who lets out a scream to wake the dead, and pushes him, whilst still off balance straight through a table and lands on top of her laptop and demolishes it... Can you imagine the carnage,

Needless to say, i don't think Anni will be getting her much coveted sexual release, and Jack will not be forgetting to remove his socks pre coital next time....

Gotta love the palm.

Until next time..

MAY THE PALM BE WITH YOU