The greatest story ever told..

And no, its not Goldilocks and the 3 bears, nor Rapunzel, nor snow white, although there is a direct correlation between the above mentioned fairy tales, and this grand daddy of them all( as they Can all be considered one of the same, fictitious work of man)

Nope, the greatest bullshit story ever told, and it makes mince meat out of our folklore favourites and that is RELIGION, in all its disguises, be it Christianity, Hinduism, Judaism, Islam, Catholicism ,yadda, yadda ,yadda...you name it, i'll discredit it!!

Greetings, T'is the 29th of December 2009, and on my return from a wintry break, and once again celebrating this most pagan of rituals, and zero to do with the death and consequent resurrection of some fella with an impressive beard and an unnatural ability to withstand pain,

thats right, the Christmas story.., Now, i have nothing against Xmas holidays, and enjoy the getting together of family and friends, but i do despise everything about what it apparently stands for,.

Its Bull shit of the highest degree and when it comes to bullshit, big-time, major league bullshit, you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims, religion, and hence why i will now give an example of why its total nonsense.

Religion easily has the monopoly on the greatest bullshit story ever told. Think about it. Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever 'til the end of time,

But and its an important BUT,He loves you. He loves you!!! , and above all He needs your money! He always needs money! He's all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, BUT somehow just can't handle money! Religion takes in billions of dollars, they pay no taxes, and they always need a little more. Now, you talk about a good bullshit story. Holy Shit, excuse the pun..Get the fuck outta here..

At this point I want you to know something, and this is sincere, I want you to know, when it comes to believing in God, I really tried. I really, really tried. I tried to believe that there is a God, who created each of us in His own image and likeness, loves us very much, and keeps a close eye on things. I really tried to believe that, but I gotta tell you, the longer you live, the more you look around, the more you realize, something is seriously fucked up here.

War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption, and the Ice Capades. Something is definitely wrong. This is not good work. If this is the best God can do, I am not impressed. Results like these do not belong on the résumé of a Supreme Being. This is the kind of shit you'd expect from an office temp with a bad attitude. And just between you and me, in any decently-run universe, this guy would've been out on his all-powerful fat ass a long time ago. And by the way, I say "this guy", because I firmly believe, looking at these results, that if there is a God, it has to be a man.

No woman could or would ever fuck things up like this. So, if there is a God, I think most reasonable people might agree that he's at least incompetent, and maybe, just maybe, doesn't give a shit. Not giving a shit, from a supposed all knowing omnipotent super being I'm afraid is a luxury he/she/it cannot display, or harbour as a personality trait.. No SIREEEE, you just can't, ok!!!

So rather than be just another mindless religious robot, mindlessly and aimlessly and blindly believing that all of this is in the hands of some spooky incompetent father figure who doesn't give a shit I immediately, thought of the sun.

Happened like that. Overnight, I became a sun-worshipper. Well, not overnight, you can't see the sun at night. But first thing the next morning, as it woke me up from my view across the palm island as i had forgot to drop the blinds from another tequila induced full moon party at Atlantis, I became a sun-worshipper.

Several reasons. First of all, I can see the sun, okay? Unlike some other gods I could mention, I can actually see the sun. I'm big on that. If I can see something, I don't know, it kind of helps the credibility along, you know. So everyday I can see the sun, as it gives me everything I need; heat, light, food, flowers in the park, reflections on the ocean, an occasional skin cancer, but hey, If ''THE'' god can allow the daily genocide of many thousands of individuals, who were just unfortunate to be born in the wrong geographical domain, then hey, My god, the sun, can inflict the occasional melanoma, Right???. At least there are no crucifixions, and we're not setting people on fire simply because they don't agree with us.

And the sun, never tells me I'm unworthy. She never tells me I'm a bad person who needs to be saved.

She does not indoctrinate me into believeing I was born a sinner and must attone for my worldy sins until the day i pass over from this mortal coil, from which i will be sent down into the fiery crutch of satans arse hole where i will be defecated on 3 times a day for an indefinite time frame before i will be allowed to take my rightful place alond side my 99 virgins promised to me... Are you fucking kidding me, There are not 99 virgins over the age of 15 left on this fucking planet, Where does the bearded fella find these treasures??.... NO, She Hasn't said an unkind word, and treats me just fine. So, I worship the sun, the Goddess Sun. You will have clearly noticed i have refered to the sun as being feminine, well, If God is Male, and makes the knda mistakes which just cannot go unnoticed, then The sun must be a female for all the good she provides..And you dare to call me a misogynist. Shame on some of you, i love women like you cant imagine, Well, im sure you do actually, but in a platonic, all things equal kinda way, and appreciate the calm and serenity they can bring, i say can,as they can also wreak havoc on the heart and soul whenn it suits them as well, but i'll save that for another Blog.... You know its coming!!!!!

I've often thought people treat God rather rudely, anyway? Asking trillions and trillions of prayers every day. Asking and pleading and begging for favors. Do this, gimme that, I need a new car, I want a better job, i wish my husband had a bigger cock, i wish the gardener would notice me stood in the window as i bend over with crutchless pants on, and guess what, most of this praying takes place on Sunday , and that as any good god fearing worshipper knows is his day off, and thats not nice... Give the old fella a rest..Breaking his balls all fucking day long, even on the most holy of days..

The truth is this anyway, if you are a believer, then you Remember that? The Divine Plan. Long time ago, God made a Divine Plan. Gave it a lot of thought, decided it was a good plan, put it into practice. And for billions and billions of years, the Divine Plan has been doing just fine. Now, you come along, and pray for something. Well suppose the thing you want isn't in God's Divine Plan? What do you want Him to do? Change His plan? Just for you? Doesn't it seem a little arrogant? It's a Divine Plan. What's the use of being God if every run-down shmuck with a two-dollar prayerbook can come along and fuck up Your Plans.

And here's something else, another problem you might have: Suppose your prayers aren't answered. What do you say? "Well, it's God's will." "Thy Will Be Done." Fine, but if it's God's will, and He's going to do what He wants to anyway, why the fuck bother praying in the first place? Seems like a big waste of time to me! Couldn't you just skip the praying part and go right to His Will? It's all very confusing...

And on the days you feel your prayers are being answered, great, but what about the next day when he's decided to lay on his favourite cloud, with his ipod blasting out Jay- z & Alicia Keys singing Empire of the state.. What then?, so at best its a 50-50 sucess rate, which ranks him along side a 4 leaf clover, a horseshoe, the wishing well, a witch doctor/Shamen, the mojo man, a voodoo lady who tells you your fortune by squeezing a goats testicles..its all the same, so sit back, make a wish and enjoy yourself..

And for those of you who look to The Bible for moral lessons and literary qualities, I might suggest a couple of other stories for you. You might want to look at the Three Little Pigs, that's a good one. Has a nice happy ending, I'm sure you'll like that. Then there's Little Red Riding Hood, although it does have that X-rated part where the Big Bad Wolf actually eats the grandmother. And finally, I've always drawn a great deal of moral comfort from Humpty Dumpty. The part I like the best? "All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty back together again." That's because there is no Humpty Dumpty, and there is no God. None, not one, no God, never was, well not the type that religion have you believing.. We are certainly linked by a higher force which i call the energy matrix, which resides deep inside all of us, but dont go fearing this, as its only pure joy and love, and nothing malevolent which will punsih you by removing your limbs for not praying 5 times a day...That i promise you...

Foot note.... Ok, some of you e mailed me asking why i have been writing so much of late, and here's the truth..When i am having emotional issues, i tend to write and submerge myself in creating these little blogs, and its been a particlularly trying time of late, which continues, but hey, at least you get to read my thoughts... So a dilemma for you. Would you rather i am devoid of stress and emotional trauma and you get a very occasional blog, or are you enjoying the multiple entries of late, which puts you in the camp of'' fuck your state of mind Tomas, we want blogs and plenty of them''..

George, you were a true genius..R.I.P

An emotional JT666 SIGNING OFF...

MAY THE PALM BE WITH YOU