Slap happy & why voting is futile...

Well, after a lengthy lay off, yours truly is back in the saddle, and ready to unleash my wrath and vitriol, in the best possible taste of course, onto this wonderful, but sometimes quite sick world of ours.

Greetings, T'is Saturday, the 25th of July, 2009.

What inspired me to write this evening was a phone mpeg( to the uninitiated, that's a movie clip) shown to me by a kid no older than 15, depicting some poor sod getting a right slap across his face as he sat on a bus, minding his own business and listening to an mp3 player, all very civil, and non threatening, and certainly doing nothing deserving of an open hand forehand smash in the chops, but sure enough, he got one, much to the delight of the baying hyenas masquerading as humans, and the biggest wanker of all, the phone holder who filmed the whole sorry incident.

Now, i love a wind up and a giggle with the best of them, but callous unprovoked violence does not fall under either category, and another example of how western culture has just disintegrated into a modern day cesspool of delinquency.... Now, what i am about to advocate, to some may suggest i am no better, but i am from the old school of an eye for an eye, which means, leave me alone, don't bother me unnecessarily, and we'll get on famously, but bother me or do me some harm without reason, then i will unleash a torrid dose of retribution which will make your head literally spin like a top.., Or you may even get to take a helicopter ride, but without the sight seeing benefits, if you get my drift.

Anyway, lets take a look at this fuck'd up pastime. I don’t really understand the name ‘Happy Slapping’ as there is fuck all ‘happy’ about it to me. You walk up to a stranger, slap them with an open hand in the face all while someone records it on there mobile phone and then you all run off. Brilliant, the cold winter nights must just fly by for these brain damaged council flat dwellers.

What gets me though is that we let these little fucks get away with it, people stand by and watch; we are a nation of cowards. People always say the same thing ‘they might have a knife’ Good! They will need an AK-47 each to stop us if we all retaliated at them and stopped fucking watching it happening....Honestly if you see two blokes about to Happy Slap someone, just wait, hold your position and as they do it just pounce on the bloke with the camera. I choose him because he will be so engrossed in trying to record it happening that he won’t see your fist flying towards his face, then jump up an down on his head a few times, don't worry, the other fella about to do the slapping will have run off the moment he See's his accomplice unconscious and bleeding with his mobile phone camera at his side, as useful as a chocolate fireguard.. Now, here's the funny bit, pull the unconscious fellas trousers and underpants down to his ankles, and get the original intended victim to film this scene, and all passers by to take a picture. Wake this semi naked idiot up and ask him ''now, how fucking happy are you'' after being happy slapped and soon to be paraded on you tube with his fun size mars bar on display for the world to laugh at..

Stand up for each other! Stop letting these little fucks run amok! Would this craze have taken off in the 80s? Not a chance! They would have been kicked to fuck by ten people seconds after it happened.We have become a nation of pc pacifists, who would rather take pity and try to understand why these excuses for human beings behave in such a manner, rather than strangle the life out of these no good tear aways.They are just breathing much needed oxygen, undeservedly, and would not be missed, aside from the delinquent parents who spawned these morons...

More horrifying is that in Scotland, where A Glasgow kiss is a game played by the whole family at Christmas time, where the kids attempt to head butt Granny's false teeth out much to the delight of the drunken relatives who applaud like Jackals.. Very civilized... Whereas we Normal folk ,south of the border like to play ''who wants to be a millionaire''.. A Glasgow, kiss by the way, is a term which describes a Person of Glaswegian descent, head butting you in the face as a greeting.., I have always preferred a simple Hello myself, but ho hum, each to there own colony..

Happy heed butting, as its known in Scotland, is rife i hear and public transport users have taken to wearing bicycle helmets or similar headgear to protect themselves from random acts of happy heed butts. God forbid you fall asleep on the no 37 bus to Strathclyde, you are doomed .Gangs of slack jawed nokia wielding youths are just waiting to pounce at the drop of an eyelid. Think yourself lucky its just slapping down South,in Scotland is become a crisis point. You can always tell a victim of happy heed butting by the large uncomfortable looking protrusions from their foreheads, So spare the poor jock's a thought...

The world has gone mad, and the people in it, madder than that.. My old man would love to see the birch reinstated and these thugs thrashed with a cat of nine tails in public, and for repeat offenders, good old hanging... LOL.. I always argued this was harsh, but Dad, i am coming around to your way of thinking...See how quickly this ridiculous pastime disappeared if they knew a fresh noose and a trap door awaited them... Easy.!!!!! So that's another problem solved by Johntomas....

We can say what we like about Dubai not being a democracy, but happy slapping or head butting is something i cant see catching on here. OK, we have the indignation of a few locals who like to shout into there nokia's at the cinema, or have their ring tones set to loudest with the latest Arabic scriptures wailing away whilst I'm trying to watch Tom Cruise nail Adolf Hitler in Valkyrie, but Head butting is something that wont be catching on.. Can you imagine the locals doing that with all that illustrious head gear they wear, There would be tea towels and night shirts flying everywhere.. Nope, ain't gunna happen, not around these parts...


NEXT......
Well, not sure if this one can be solved by hanging, or a damn good thrashing, but its a simple remedy none the less..

Politics, and voting.....

Politics is something i follow, as my readers will testify, but my belief systems are somewhat away from the main stream.But this never changes.'' whoever ends up in power, the result is always the same, we all get shafted and we end up hating the very person we put in to power.

The reasons for people being put into power are always things like ‘Oh he is a nice family man with good values’ and ‘he plans to save the NHS by investing millions.’''We will reinstate free dentistry, and provide white fillings for the people and stop poisoning the whole country with mercury filled killers'' BLAH BLAH FUCKING BLAH..
But, the bottom line is this, We always get shafted by whatever Government is in control, this is why i have never voted, and more likely to vote on the next series of X factor, a programme where the weary and bemused are wheeled out in front of a panel of multi millionaires to be snigger'd and laughed at,and totally embarrassed in front of the nation... than find me queuing with the sheeple at the local by- election for Oxford North... Would rather set my scrotum on fire quiet honestly..

The other baffling thing about the politics game are the strange people who come to my house and put leaflets through my door, bloody hell, they have got all sorts of facial growths and limps, and nearly always one of them has a pair of glasses on with lenses like jam jar bottoms. These people probably collect charity money just for kicks. These people are brainwashed, and if they had a brain of their own they would almost certainly have gone to Spec savers, and traded in those national health bi focals for a pair of acceptable viewing aids..

I found it quite funny when Bill Clinton was caught with his trousers down and his old chap somewhere near Monica's mouth, literally people were in uproar, ''how could he?’', he's the president''..Welcome to the real world, he's a man, with power,and rich, which makes him irresistible to the opposite sex, and that's what men do, president or not.They take advantage, whether its a willing girl, or a country which needs invading because they are awash with mineral deposits we need for the driving season.... Get with the programme, brainwashed morons..Politicians are not nice people, they are liars of the highest order, and cant lie in bed straight.

These are not nice little men, they are power hungry bastards. Think about it, ‘Nice’ people do not want to control the world, ‘Nice’ people do not go to war, they avoid it!

I will use a simple equation for politics, it goes like this:

POLITICS'S EQUALS BOLLOCKS....so don't waste your time voting for a party which will be effectively the same head on the hydra( look it up)!!Go and play golf or scuba dive, or take a picnic to the park, anything than stand like sheep shuffling towards the ballot box thinking you will make a difference, the truth is, you wont..

Until the next time....
MAY THE PALM BE WITH YOU.....