CAN'T SWIM, WONT SWIM

Greetings World, and welcome once again to more casual, but comical observations made by me, but recognized by millions across the globe.

Ti's Wednesday, 25Th of Feb...2009.

Today i want to share with you a problem which is most definitely on the rise, and no, i don't mean piss proud, morning glory Guys, which is in fact involuntary, (ashame i know, as its the purest and strongest erection that most of you will feel all day)... And its the stuff of legend, where wet bath towels can easily be supported at full mast, and guys, admit it, you've tried this more than once, and bathed in the glory after successfully taking your hands away and viewing this stunning spectacle in the bathroom mirror..

That why ladies, you will find a random tape measure in the bathroom,?? Its because, as your man struggles to come to terms with the fact his extra length and girth he posses's on awakening dissipates when most needed, but needs to convince himself that his true best friend really does stretch the tape to those proportions, alas ,not when you most need it though Girls....

OK, this brings me on nicely to today's topic..

Male sperm count, and why its receding quicker than Connors hair line..

Could it be that its divine intervention which is causing this, as the worlds resources are gobbled up quicker than we can replenish them?. Or, a mass governmental Eugenics's programme (look it up)... where the worlds water supply is doctored with Fluoride, and other nasty's to attack the male reproductive system...Or, a natural phenomena, all part of a cyclical evolutionary process.? Who knows for sure, but whats not debatable are the facts, and these are clearly evidential.

Men are slowly losing their ability to reproduce, like the Male bee, we will soon become redundant if this path continues, as women become more and more independent, and are able to choose the genetic characteristics of their child from a catalogue..As soon as she finds somebody to cut the meat on a Sunday, cut the grass on a Tuesday, and perform cunnilingus expertly every other night, We are no more, surplus to requirements..... The female empowerment movement is well and truly started and gathering pace...And its only Man's pride which stops us from admitting it, and its man's pride again which can be very amusing and comical, case in point is this..

A good friend of mine has been trying for a baby now for over 2 years, but alas, failing miserably.

Tried everything, Thermometers stuck in place's UN holy, Testicles on ice.(i prefer lobster myself, but, hey, each to their own).

Moon cycles, Sun cycles,even fucking unicycles i would imagine, but Zero success.

The guy decided to go for a sperm count check to see if his tadpoles were decent swimmers, and not like that Black fella who competed in the last Olympics,(Eric the eel) barely falling into the pool, and ending up doing the back stroke in a 50 meter front crawl event.. All hugely metaphoric, but i think most of you will get my point..( Black guys are not built for swimming anyway, well not properly, hence why they fill the lanes of sprinting and athletic events, but to see one in the pool is as rare as seeing one in the white house....ayyyy, hold on a minute, what the fuck is going on here!!!!!)

Back on topic.... His 1st test confirmed that indeed he had very weak swimmers, and not many of them, with most of them kitted out with arm bands, and not in streamlined speedo rubber suits, and walked out of the Doctors with the obligatory Blank-a-ti Blank cheque book and pen, and the fact that his green house contained no living plant life..

On receipt of this news, we, as friends, and being sympathetic males gave him all the emotional support a man needs in times like these..RIGHTTTTTTTTTT.... DID WE FUCK..

If you believe that, then Girls, you have a lot to learn about men. He got slaughtered, with every joke in the book thrown at him for having no bullets in his gun, not being able to raise a protest, let alone a hard on, and without a good fuck in him... etc etc... Slice, i know you are laughing hard now reading this...!!!

Our esteemed friend being Male, and a proud soldier took it on the chin, but decided to go back and have another check, as he refused to believe that his weaponry was defunct, and had jammed up on him...And here is the male pride once again rearing its proud head,

This time, instead of Eric the eel type sperm splashing about in his ball bag, he was suddenly confronted with this scenario...His sperm count was off the charts on the high side, and Eric the eel, had been replaced by Michael Phelps and Ian Thorpe fighting their way down the canal to impregnate the holy grail awaiting the victor... Sure mate, we believe you....LOL...

Come on son, stop giving it the Barry Mcguigan, Look at Brad and Angelina, and what they have done... Have a look on Ebay, the African continent edition.. There are 3 Somalian Infants for sale, with a buy it now price of 12 BAGS OF RICE.. Sale ends in 13 minutes, so don't miss out . You would look good in that penthouse of yours with Somalian triplets running wild... (They come readily equipped with multiple i'ds to defraud the UK government of state benefits, so a nice additional income in times of economic depression)... Cant lose old boy...

Why this is happening I'm not sure, maybe its the amount of beer and alcohol men drink these days, which is heavily estrogenic, and why men now have that puffy, female like skin appearance, as their once testosterone filled bodies have been replaced by bodies, awash with female hormones..One of many theories i have on it, but i know this, Male infertility is on the march, so if your in the business of performing vasectomy's for a living, better have a browse through situations vacant..... As more and more Women are realizing that their husbands, boyfriends reproductive organs, are all hanging up in the tool shed, retired and blunt as fuck..

Until the next time , MAY THE PALM BE WITH YOU