AESTHETICALLY CHALLENGED

Greetings once again to another dose of observational comedy, according to moi, Mr Johntomas.
TI'S Saturday, 14TH of February..2009.

Having plenty of time to sit and observe the world, i have become highly sensitized to my surroundings, and not much passes me by unnoticed however insignificant others may find these subtle nuances, to me, every side ways glance, a wry smile, a tilt of the head, subtle body language etc , shows me a real insight into human behavior, both positive and negative, hence my love of psychology and behavioral science, and how we are forever giving ourselves away, without really realizing it...

This brings me on to my 1st observation, and that is this.
Have you noticed how a crying Woman affects the attending male?... No, Well there are two highly distinguishable affects,Polarized if you like, depending on two very differing criteria.

1st up, is the Beautiful Damsel in distress.
The site of a single tear caressing the cheek of this apparently vulnerable, stunning example of fragility, will melt the heart of the courting Male, who becomes overwhelmed with empathy and sympathy, stroking the hair, whilst whispering,''Hey, come on, shhuuusshhhhh, tell me whats wrong, Heyy.. What happened?''..

On receipt of the fact that she has just found out her man has been cheating, The cave man suddenly See's a new angle, and with a glint in his eye, and a twitch in his underpants, he again starts with the stroking of the hair, but this time the convo goes a little like this..'

''Hey, this guy must be mad, why would he do such a terrible thing to such a beautiful creature, listen to me, he is the one going to suffer, the man is an idiot, its his loss''.... At the same time, the mans hands are now wandering south at a rapid rate of knots, and are now sympathizing with her pert round derrière, as he feels a sympathy or revenge fuck is not far away..(if i remove my thumb from your arse now, you will surely start crying again...)..You see, even after millions of years of evolution, Man's true predatory instincts are ever present, and will take full advantage of this stereo-typical situation to divide from her senses and conquer to satisfy his most carnal, basic needs..Give us and inch, and we will steal a mile, But give a girl an inch, and she will not be amused at all, and demand another 6 at least........ Did someone order the foot long?..

Now, compare the affects the tears from a lard arse with poor dress sense has on the Male.
Nada, Zip, Niente, Nothing, In fact we are more likely to make some sort of joke, or cutting comment along the lines of '' She's just discovered that her equally fat kid has just consumed her 8 chocolate crispy cremes she was saving for a mid morning snack, or Pizza hut are no longer serving all you can eat bonanza for £3.50.. We always seem to mock the afflicted And the only comment she can expect is, hey Fat stuff, stop your whining and man the fuck up.

Aesthetics, as shallow as it is, there is no escaping the dramatic effects on us all..

As we are on the subject of the waist band challenged..( new PC term).. Me and a good friend of mine recently experienced a comical situation at a local Burger King after a night out in Chi....

Tom and I, plus Mr Tripod, has decided to call in at Burger King after far to many bottles of Vodka, and our bodies were screaming out for some good old junk food, which we gladly obliged.

At the counter on walking in was a man, i think, weighing around 120kilos, at roughly 5ft 7inches, getting the picture, good.. Not a pretty site at all, even through rose colored beer goggles.
He was displaying the most disgusting example of builders bum crack i have seen in quite a while, with half of his massive bum cheeks hanging out of his jeans, with a crack so hirsute it would have pleased Teen-Wolf, and enough room and space to accommodate Raf's new motorbike tires,Knobbles and all..

And should have been enough to put us off our food, but needs must when drunk, and fast acting carbs and saturated fats overcome all obstacles when hammered, so we proceeded to the counter, laughing like school children, magnetised to this vision of loveliness, and once we were along side him, it became funnier...

This guy, was not only bigger than Pavarotti and Jo Brand combined, he was as camp as a row of tents..I mean, proper Bent... If you can imagine having to impersonate a Queer, Flamer, Gay, then this guy would be your role model.. The stereo typical theatrical gay who made DANNY LA RUE look like Rambo..

And he kept grabbing his arse and telling all the guys in the Que..'' You cant have this, it belongs to him!!'', pointing to his man friend, who seemed oblivious to it all,( gutted, cant believe he is not sharing such a beautiful thing) but the whole place was in hysterics.. And who said the love that shan't be named is not allowed over here??.. Well its alive and kicking in Burger King on Friday nights, and as a liberal free thinking male, i have no issue with any sexual preference a human beings wants to embrace, but one look at that Gary Glitter had me saying in my head,'' For all that is holy, and if there is a god, i prayed for a small mercy, that his man friend was the post box and not the postman....God help him if not...And the thought of Charles Manson babysitting my kids at this juncture is far more accepting..

In the words of Queen Victoria..'''We are not amused''



There is obviously somebody for everyone out there i guess, but aesthetics in today's society rules the roost....

Until the next time..

MAY THE PALM BE WITH YOU