Well, after much deliberation and travelling the World, mostly I might add within the confides of my own mind, I decided to put fingers to keyboard and share with you some thoughts and suggestions on how to slow down as the pace of life accelerates ever faster, so come with me and enjoy the ride... These events apply to nobody in particular and no animals were harmed in the process of writing this blog... Right, that's my disclaimer, now on with the show
T'is the 12th of December 2013...
Life is like a ten-speed bicycle, But most of us have gears we never use. People these days have one speed, and that is balls to the wall, flat out, not realizing that there are a multitude of gears which we can choose to live our lives within, yet we choose to live, both physically and emotionally on the red line, revving at full speed, never stopping to smell the flowers of life, and we wonder why our minds and bodies are frazzled with unhappiness, anxiety, depression and a host of stress related illnesses dominating Humanity today...From flat out to flat out on your back is a mere tip toe away if you continue to burn the candle at both ends and refuse to slow the fuck down.
The existence of mental and nervous degeneration among a growing class of people, especially in large cities, is an obvious phenomenon for all to see, and those that contest this are living in denial and no, that is not the river in Egypt fuck stick, … the mania for stimulants or prescription medicines increase exponentially … Diseases of the mind are almost as numerous as the diseases of the body and growing by the day… This intellectual condition is characterized by a brain now incapable of functioning in a healthy fashion… in a large measure due to the hurry and excitement of modern life. Is it any wonder this is all to much for the nervous system to bear?
Below is a typical working day for a Woman in the corporate World ,from the moment the eyes are forced open by that most evil of contraptions, the alarm clock until she collapses in to bed again at the end of the day exhausted and worn out. See how many traits you can idealize and recognize within yourself and understand why it is Humanity itself is on the verge of a nervous breakdown.:)
Ringgggggggggggggg, Ringgggggggggggggggg...Ringgggggggggggggggggggg....
''Fuck, it can't be that time already, I have just nodded off, surely, there must be a mistake?I literally climbed into bed 10 minutes ago, maybe i am still dreaming, pinch myself, nope, its real, but its still fucking dark and the birds are singing, I must have set the alarm wrong last night as I fell asleep with my i phone whilst simultaneously sending two whats app messages to the wrong people, an e mail to the boss, and a text message to my lover with two saucy photos... Oh fuck, let me check I did not send the text to the boss, the e mail to my lover and the whats app to my ex husband, especially those pictures!!''
Phew, massive sigh of relief as you realize those special pictures were received by the intended recipient, but already your first shot of intense adrenaline has hit you like a run away train between the eyes, your stomach is in knots and your adrenal glands are shouting already. ''Oh come on, give me a fucking break here,you have been awake 2 mins I am trying to remain peaceful, and I worked my socks off all week for you already!''
Of course, you refuse to listen, and besides, who's the boss here? Exactly, you are and your endocrine system works for you, and they'd be wise to remember that fact, right!!!!You know why? ''because your mind fucking told you so, and you are your mind, your thoughts, your memories, that is who you are, the boss''...(In fact, you are none of those things, but I will save that for another blog)...
It is indeed time to get up, and so it starts, the incessant mind chatter, like a firework display, shooting off in all directions, with colors and sounds filling your minds cavity to the brim with things you have to do, get done, finish in time, start, attend to,avoid, and you have not been awake for more than two mins... Rush to the bathroom for your morning ritual of soft lighting, and mentally thank the guy who invented the dimmer switch for being so kind as to provide favorable lighting and wonder why he was never awarded the Nobel prize for services to the female of the species...
You squint into the mirror, convincing yourself that the new lines which have appeared under the eyes are merely a consequence of sleeping with your face scrunched up in the pillow, face down, but will watch them carefully and will add ''Dr feel-good's'' number to speed dial just in case they are aging lines and refuse to budge with that latest wonder cream you purchased with essence of fresh panther in it which cost an arm and a leg... This Dr is a genius, all your friends go to him and he can work miracles apparently. Who cares that most of them have faces pulled so tightly that they have to part their hair to blow their noses when they get a cold, and appear to have been pulled through a wind tunnel testing center backwards, and would look more at home in Madame Tussaud's wax museum, than in a boardroom, the lack of lines on the forehead and lifeless smiles around botox filled eyes, and the large out of proportion top lip are a small price to pay for that compliment from your boss you are desperately trying to impress or that stranger you could not give a fuck about that told you look in a bar last night you nothing like your 40 years and not a day older than 39 and a half... Definitely money well spent.
Continue with beauty regime whilst a continual stream of thoughts consume your every second, most based around physical acceptance,adulation and approval, and others which are work related, yet a complete and utter detachment from the joy of living and the involuntary but essential task of breathing is recognized. Matters not, Make up on, hair done, right, time for your double espresso to fire up the system(Adrenal glands sigh again, in vain, and accept its going to be another tough day at the office) and the one piece of brown toast with a scrambled egg awaits your aching stomach which has not been fed now for at least 2 days as you survive on a diet which would make an Ethiopian start sending e mails to Bono and Bob Geldof asking for help.
Get out the laptop as the toaster performs its magic of turning white bread brown and set it down on kitchen table, must send e mails before you get to work, and quickly check face book to see that no pictures have appeared in your news feed that are uncomplimentary.( Make a mental note to self.(''Must set privacy settings to fort knox levels!'') EEeks, not liking that picture at all.. Quickly e mail, text, whats app, send a smoke signal, a pigeon with note tied around foot and all other forms of communication to the culprit that has put a picture of you at the wrong angle on ''Fuck your life up book'' instructing them to remove immediately the offending article... Shake head and mutter under breath how violated you feel about this gesture, and vow to give strict instructions to everyone you know if they are to continue being your friend, never put pictures up unless strict permission is given, Don't they know that the World is watching, especially your boss...
Turn TV on quickly to catch up with current affairs on the news... Yep. Nothing has changed since last night. A cocktail of bad news greets you as the only thing grey-er than the news itself are the fucking robots who are paid to deliver it to you... Wars rage, economies on verge of collapse, famine and disease are on the increase, and a new terrorist called ''All-summer bin enlarging it ''has been found in a cave in Ibiza, off his tits and off his rocker, and represents the single largest threat that Humanity as ever known, so be prepared and accept that your taxes need to increase to fight this faceless enemy. You shake your head again, as a cascade of fear and worry consume you, stating, ''Something has to be done about this, its unacceptable'' Good job, you have just given the ego another shot of drama which it needs to sustain itself, but try to get a little angrier as to fill him up, so he will go lie down and be satisfied for a little longer...
Egg and toast now ready, so you sit down, plate at side of lap top as you finger the keyboard with the right hand, e mailing the boss, as the left hand skillfully cuts, scoops and delivers to your mouth a fork full of egg sat astride a small chunk of toast, but nooooo, disaster strikes, half the egg falls off the fork all over the key board. This can't be happening, surely, ''what I have I done to deserve this'' , you scream... Curse loudly and complain that you hate your life, your apartment, your work schedule, whilst wishing you were somewhere else in the Sunshine, but the truth is you do not, for your working title affords you the respect you need to be appreciated and recognized in a society which demands you behave and fit in to a socially accepted norm... (No internal conflict there ;)
The ego thanks you once again for that burst of anger and encourages you to keep going with this mindlessness as it enjoys the trauma and emotional disturbances which feed it.
Tut and moan internally that these period pains are just to much to deal with on a day that has started so badly and wonder why the big man in the clouds did not bless you with a 10 inch sausage and instead gave you ovaries and a underdeveloped penis to play with... Smile devilishly though that although society has not accepted sexual liberation for Women yet, you are every bit as crafty, tricky and deceptive as your male counterpart and smile again that you have cheated on every one of your partners and never been caught...
Congratulate yourself on this deceptive masterpiece, and pat yourself on the back, you are a master of deception and a mask wearing genius... Wonder if Karma may pay you a visit, and begin to worry for a brief second before discounting that thought out of hand, for Karma is an internal compass which tracks your moral behavior and only affects you if you are emotionally intelligent enough to realize that what you do hurts others, so nothing to worry about there. ;)
Close the egg splattered lap top, shove it in its bag, grab your keys, phones, hand bag, and head out the door, but before you do, stop briefly to shake your head, sigh, tut and berate the TV for delivering this tirade of negativity as the screen flashes images of body parts strewn across a war torn terrain in far away lands...
Perfect, another dose of drama to feel bad about, turn that square box of emotional persuasiveness off and head out the door and into the elevator where you look up and curse that fucking lighting for being so harsh and say to yourself that you would take the stairs if you did not live on the 32nd floor. Keep your back firmly against the mirror and don't dare to catch a glimpse of yourself, for fear of ruining a day not yet an hour old...Its still fucking dark as you attempt to answer the first call of the day, phone jammed between shoulder and ear as you try to open door of car with remote. Tell your flirtatious boss you will be in the office asap and that you have to go as you are now in the car...
Imagine what the boss really thinks of you and wonder how you can increase your popularity within the work space to climb the social ladder as quick as possible. Complain its fucking freezing and once again state you would love to live in sunnier climes, but that statement is full of psychological reversal , as the truth is very much a conflict-ion of that false wish, but it feels good to add some more spice to the drama junky of a character which plagues your mind which is never happier than when its full of opposing wishes and desires, the perfect playground for created personas and antiquated belief programs to cause untold damage to an already unstable organism...
Compound immediately the dissatisfaction with the weather with the fact you have been caught by a red light a mere 30 meters from your garage, ''Can the day get any worse?'' you verbalize, Well, yes, as you have chosen the wrong lane on the freeway and you are stuck behind a driver doing 10 kph under the maximum speed limit. Honk loudly on the horn showing your disgust and disapproval making hand gestures with both hands, palms up, suggesting you need something from the driver who is looking in the rear view mirror showing you the middle finger...
Now you are really pissed as you slow down at another set of lights and you await the green light like Usain Bolt in the 100 meters Olympic final.
Another round of horn honking and hand gestures as the same car in front has failed to pull away like Michael Schumacher from the lights, signalling your utter contempt at this selfish, unconscious individual who is going to make you at least a nano second late to the office...
Wallow in increased misery as more and more drivers, some going to fast, others too slow, some cutting in front of you add to your woes and emotional responses. Create an inner dialogue stating that this type of driving causes deaths and accidents and numerous ''what the hell is he/she doing'' must be repeated loud and often, which it is... Must keep the drama alive for as long as possible. Tutting, shaking of the head, heavy sighing, a few oh my Gods wont hurt either, all the time checking your watch, will contribute to a very unstable and unhappy mind set. Grab phone and text best friend how fucking selfish these drivers are and how you could have been killed 5 minutes ago because they were not paying attention..;) Oh the irony!!!!
Catch a momentary glimpse into your unconscious behavior and realize Earth is the insane asylum of the universe before stating that consciousness is that annoying time between naps, and serves only the new age nut jobs who have no real handle on life. You begin to talk with yourself, then disagree about the subject, get into a nasty row between your ears, lose argument as a another moment of clarity descends and refuse to speak to yourself for the rest of the day. This intent lasts 10 seconds at best as another driver forces you to break a little harder than acceptable to your fragile constitution and once again embrace the chaos, panic and disorder your life has become...
Finally, you arrive at work, nerves frazzled, sigh internally as you are not the first one into the office worrying that the boss and work mates will judge you for your tardiness. Make everyone aware of what happened on the way and feel better as strangely enough everybody you work with had exactly the same experience. (The lunatics really have taken over the asylum it would appear)Put that down to a remarkable coincidence, rather than realize the whole office is a sea of unconscious lemmings, totally immersed in their roles and trapped within chattering minds also, but it feels good to be part of it, so finally allow a smile and state ''Yes, this is home, This is where I belong and can really make a difference''
Walk past the ''OTHER'' Woman in the office getting a whiff of perfume, muttering under your breath, ''Nice perfume, but must you marinate in it!'' congratulate yourself on your wit and allow your eyes to light up with sheer delight as the coffee machine comes into a view. ''Should I be worried?'' your mind asks that instead of sweating these days you percolate and that Costa own the mortgage on your apartment? Of course not and convince yourself that coffee is the most important meal of the day and that you do not have a problem with coffee, but a major fucking issue without it...
Coffee in hand and now in your comfy chair, the calm before the storm. Just two minutes before the day starts with a bang, and talking of bangs, allow your mind to drift back to the amazing sex you had with your partner last night, but shift subtlety in your seat as your arse has not recovered from that savage beating it was given as you watched in the wardrobe mirror with delight. Smile and acknowledge that the sex with your guy was so fucking good last night that even the neighbors had a cigarette afterwards... Resist that pulsing between your legs, and move thoughts quickly away to more productive fare...
Look around office for admiring glances as you are just one of two Women in a World full of men, and worry temporarily at the impure thoughts which most of the perverts are thinking, but then bask in the attention as your ego and fragile persona gets swept away on a tide of shallow emotions, knowing that you are indeed the office sweetheart and the object of many wanking sessions...
''Ummm, which one of my colleagues should I blow at the xmas office party?'' Major decision there to make?. No need to decide now, but keep that thought and discuss with friends at weekend who are experts at this and will guide you in your decision making...The idea of ''I will try not to get any Human resources on you'' takes on a whole new meaning here
It is at this point absolutely essential that you remain in this autonomous, robotic state of unconsciousness, and at no point must you stop and connect to your higher self, for that will diminish your ability to perform in line with left brain dominant linear thinking, and your flaky, right sided cranial twin only brings you troubles when it alerts you to the really important things in life, like giving and receiving love and living from within the Heart and that will not serve you at all in a 6am till 6pm, 5 days a week mind numbing job...
Time for brainstorming and that important meeting which was arranged yesterday to arrange another meeting for tomorrow. Throw a few ideas into the ring, look around for confirmation and approval and smile inwardly, knowing you are making a difference, and what do you know, its lunchtime already. Better to skip lunch, so you can really enjoy the 2 bottles of wine washed down with a pizza when you get back later exhausted and your body no longer needs the carbohydrates for energy, another stroke of intellectual genius there of course, but calories from wine does not count after 10pm right?... Nope, lunch is for wimps, so reach for that coffee and enjoy that rush of adrenaline and catabolic hormones now rushing through your body, promoting more and more strain on the body whilst closing down the metabolism and converting all energy to fat for primary survival. Now you are really cooking, so bathe in this emotional state a while longer and savor it...
Just for the sake of internal conflict, berate once again your schedule, but quickly dismiss this foreign intruder that has jogged your consciousness and congratulate yourself for being an integral part of the corporate hamster wheel you now tread daily, and the pride in yourself, given to you now by those all around you including family, friends and your society itself, and look in the mirror and really believe in this identity which affords you worthiness lacking so badly before you landed your job title...
The day like most others then takes on its face of familiarity and you go about your business, dotting I's and crossing T's... check nails, eyes lashes, and face for any excessive wear and tear, and make a note to self what needs doing before that important road trip, girls night out, Office party, for you want to be looking your absolute best, just in case your soul mate happens to cross your path, but know that if he does, you have a self sabotaging program which will put pay to any lasting happiness or consciousness, which makes your ego and pain body salivate with anticipation of that oh so traumatic time to come. So really hone those skills for showing someone that you are capable of a loving relationship and when its time to really grow, just pull the carpet out from beneath the feet of you both, and the drama that produces is a wonderful way to thank the ego, and the false personas you have created, who will be oh so grateful for the carnage unleashed. Pat yourself on the back for a fail proof plan for emotional trauma that will keep you sad and upset for a few months until its time to repeat for a lifetime if necessary the same old stale programs, which really make it impossible for you to ever be happy with anyone.
Right, its time to leave and back to the lonely four walls of home, without a love to greet you with a smile and a hug, for your lover in which you have dedicated yourself is now called ''Workplace'' and being the loyal type, there is not enough space in that head of yours to have two relationships, so the guy with the big heart and even bigger cock had to go. Well, at least you can be honest and loyal to something and the coffee machine will never ask you to call him at 3am to tell him where you are. Nope, you are far happier knowing that the occasional night out with like minded friends, guilt free is a fair price to pay for being alone, unloved, yet free to express your misery and loneliness convincing yourself you are just not made for any relationships with depth and meaning, for to exist within this dynamic would make you far to vulnerable, so close that heart, run for the hills and then wonder in moments of conscious awareness, which are rare these days where that man who made you feel alive, yet scared the fuck out of you has gone...
This will guarantee maximum confusion and maximum emotional stress which your pain body will worship at your knees for, so keep it up, you are doing a good job...Living from the heart of course is for losers and romantic fools, and you do not want to be associated with those weak characters, so man the fuck up and put behind you any type of empathetic response you may feel, for this will only weaken the egos's hold on you and we cannot have that can we!!!
Rejoice, it's that time again, where you can get up close and personal with the one relationship which you never doubt, and will never let you down, as its always there, never judges you and makes you oh so happy, well, at least for a few hours, that's right, fermented grapes, red or white, matters not, bottle in hand, head for the sofa, TV back on, large glass poured, settle back, huge first gulp to oil those wheels up. Immediately get immersed in the drama unfolding in front of you and begin once again the ritual of personal outrage at the state of this unfair World, even allow yourself a tear if necessary at the injustice and cruelty being rammed down your throat by this prostituted arm of the Illuminati, the media, but suddenly cheer up a little as you remember that the x factor is on...
Switch channels just in time to catch Simon Cowell completely de humanizing and belittling a fat, mid western farmers kid who was told by his parish priest he had the voice of an angel and was Americas next idol... Shake your head but inwardly admire and find attractive Cowells arrogance and cruelty and imagine what it would be like to be underneath him...
Another big gulp of Vino collapso and begin to sink into the couch. Change channel again and marvel at the size of Kim Kardashians back door and chastise her decision to have a child out of wedlock with some black rapper who's name slips your memory as the wine begins to work its magic, but really engross yourself with this life and death situation arising between Kim and her younger sister of which plastic surgeon to use for an eye lift. This reminds you immediately of the lines you noticed this morning, so jump up and head for bathroom mirror, this time lights fully on as you brave the truth in front of you... Horror of all horrors, those new lines have not gone and are not the result of a poor sleeping position...
Curse the amount of money you spent on that exotic jungle cream as being fucking useless and decide there and then that you are making an appointment the first free moment you get tomorrow with Dr feel-good, as you have a trip coming up, and that extra line under your eyes will negate your ability to get laid or even appreciated by that tall dark handsome stranger, or even that fat, small, balding midget.. ( After 40, beggars cannot be choosers society has convinced you and must take whats on offer.)
Swear, get sad, and once again wonder why the person who loved you not for your looks had disappeared from your life? Drown sorrows in the rest of the bottle before the bedtime ritual of beautifying ensues, this time with the lights barely on, squinting as not to get a clear view of the truth, a truth in your eyes, which your fragile ego has convinced you is true, and zero truth at all with the reality, which is you are a perfect loving soul , if you could only remain conscious long enough to realize...
Not to worry, soon your profile will be uploaded onto match.com and a series of blind dates with desperados, weirdos, perverts, psychopaths and social misfits will be fulfilling your evenings with your best friends who swear they are having the time of their lives with these fucking weirdo's, so smile and look forward to that as this really is the future of love and contentment, and this reinforces your rights as a woman to become male esque and it guarantees you full control of your need for meaningless sex and above that a protective mechanism which pleases the commitment phobe within you perfectly...
Stagger, cross eyed to that lonely bed, attempt once again to set alarm as eyes are dropping faster than you underwear on a boat party, and attempt to get some sleep...Convince yourself you are happy and in complete control of your life and destiny and you do not want anybody loving you as that complicates life...
Riiiiiiiingggggggggggggggg Riiiiiiiiiiiinggggggggggggggggg Ringgggggggggggggggggg.''Fuck me, Nooooooooooooo, It can't be, this has to be a dream???'' Pinch yourself once again!!! Noooo, its for real.... 5.30 am and time for your double espresso...
And so it starts again.. Repeat for 5 to 6 days per week for best results and for fuck sake, do not weaken and allow your heart to speak with you... Stay in your head, anothers bed and outta love... You know it makes sense.
One more thing.''Its been emotional''
Johntomas666
